I agree, I've noticed from time to time that Nathalie receives some rather dismissive remarks from some linked in relations that we share. Whilst I like challenging they can be a little undignified and disrespectful at times and maybe their aim is to Dampen spirit? So thank you to Nathalie for speaking up for me and for others who tire of those who create cognitive dissonance in ne. Power to Nathalie for writing in behalf of those that seek a better world.
I didn’t know what you were talking about until I looked on LI and spotted an unintelligible comment from someone with poor reading comprehension and a strong bias against any narcissism content (that probably described him). Thank you for celebrating my work and sharing its benefits in your life. You are gracious to people who don’t necessarily deserve it.
I’m so glad you found it and realised my point. Sorry it was so cryptic. Nathalie I believe that all these people have terribly damaged souls. #Trauma When I first went sick in June 2022 on June 21st I felt so dreadful, isolated, alienated and gaslit, I simply could not work out what the heck had happened to me. I consulted with a lovely woman called Deborah A on linked in and she helped me hugely at the time to deal with my trauma. She had me read chapter one of Richard Schwartz “No bad parts”, it was just enough to take the edge off my embittered heart and consider the “no shaming” mantra. It has helped me just that little bit to quell the fires stoked by the need for unbiased injustice. I honestly believe that the majority of people can be restored through neural science brain plasticity #BTFA . I have to keep hope that the core evil and fiercely impermeable narcissists are only 2-3 percent #LetsPray 🙏#LoveAndPeace #Faith
As usual you have explained the process in great and accurate detail. I had years of this with one colleague who had several of us on the go for her supply, and would complain about each of us to the others! Then an intense period with another colleague who took her place. I can only conclude that narcissism is so rife in senior clinical positions in the UK NHS that it is the go-to, default approach that is learned at the knee. I really hope that greater awareness leads to a reduction in this kind of miserable behaviour. I have asked myself repeatedly, why me, and I can only conclude that my role (and capabilities in doing the role) were so niche that they felt threatened by it, by the unique position I held that they never could. Why we couldn't appreciate our different contributions, I will never understand. Maybe again a reflection of their insecurities, from life spent in a warped environment.
I wish I'd been able to read great advice like yours when I was starting out in my profession. I work in the entertainment industry, and this is pretty much every day behavior. I finally got to the point where I could work entirely at home, which has been a big help.
100%! I read through all your points and agree with every single one. During my PhD in public health nutrition, a general medical practitioner in the small town in which I lived ingratiated himself with my primary PhD supervisor and his wife, who runs a business in health coaching. There was narcissistic behaviour from all three including dishonesty, coercion, manipulation, plagiarism of my work by all of the wife, the GP, and others employed by the wife bullying, harassment of all types, threatening behaviour, and blackmail from the GP, his own girlfriend, and the female secondary supervisor of my PhD. That female supervisor told me in a text message to "not say anything" about the harassment and other behaviours because I would "jeopardize your thesis outcome".
Things plunged to a nadir when I tried to maintain some professional boundaries around my written work by not granting a health coach access to "resources" - which included soft copies of presentations I gave to a community group that contained at that stage unpublished data from my PhD. The GP himself had also violated his patients' privacy by sending their data and identifying details to my PhD supervisor and his wife (and also to me), so he could win an award called NZ GP of the Year (which he did in 2021. Four years later, he continues to promote himself and be promoted by my PhD supervisor as the GP of the Year). Given his breaches of patients' privacy, and the plagiarism of my work by the GP (a knowledge vampire) and my PhD supervisor's wife, I said no, especially as it would have been a breach of the ethical approval to send this data.
I was weeks away from submitting my PhD thesis. At the same time, the university at which I was enrolled were exposed in a #MeToo investigation for inadequacies in addressing sexual harassment - a further independent investigation found that bullying was "rife" at the university.
The consequences for me when I tried to raise this were simply terrible - the extreme gaslighting, accusations of misunderstanding and mental health, and threats, and name calling by the PhD supervisor, his wife and the general practitioner. They all at various points used the most profane language to describe me. Honestly, I feel I have a PhD in narcissistic behaviour, and the failures of the universities to deal with this properly. For example, I was gaslit and told "everybody has their own definition of sexual harassment, that might not be aligned with yours". The only way these people ever get removed is if students make formal complaints, which I didn't, because firstly, I needed to preserve some working relationships to get references for jobs, and secondly, my husband is enrolled at the same institution to complete post-graduate study of his own. I laid a complaint with the medical council of New Zealand, but they decided the problem was due to a "breakdown of an interpersonal relationship" and completely ignored the power dynamics that led to this situation. The GP does now have a record with the medical council.
I had to leave that town, and New Zealand (I moved to Australia!) for my own safety and wellbeing, given the nature of the threats, and the loss of relationships. I'm rebuilding my life, but it's come at a huge cost, and a complete loss of trust in medical and academic institutions which do attract these types of power-crazed, self-glorifying people with narcissistic traits.
Thanks for your posts, Nathalie, they are incredibly useful!
Finally called HR on one of them last week - three medical errors, two arguments, and a lie about a patient, with a pretend, "Imma gunna slap you" on top, all within 10 minutes.
Im generally patient, but this was a little beyond the ususal pale.
Granted this is the best venue Ive worked in. The others were nonstop narcissistic behaviors for 12 hours straight. Gaslighting, riddles, strawmen, victim posing etc. but the worst was always "Im abusing you because you deserve it", which doesnt refute the abuse of course, it just reinforces it.
After having been married to a narcissist, I am far more interested in dealing with them in a work setting. Thank you for your clarity and spot-on descriptions of their behavior.
What a shameless pathetic man who got to live his fantasy life with you without his wife's knowledge. I'm not surprised it took years to heal from that betrayal and the false promises along the way. Good luck to his wife because he will have done it again and again to her.
I have many possible scenarios floating through my mind. Covert narcs attract caretakers. Perhaps his wife does it all and is so busy that she doesn't notice. Or she is endorsing his fantasy life and is controlling as hell.
Either way, never again!
Thank you for letting me know that this has been helpful!
This is accurate. The nonprofit sector in the US attracts this personality type. It a relief to see it in writing. Thank you!
I agree, I've noticed from time to time that Nathalie receives some rather dismissive remarks from some linked in relations that we share. Whilst I like challenging they can be a little undignified and disrespectful at times and maybe their aim is to Dampen spirit? So thank you to Nathalie for speaking up for me and for others who tire of those who create cognitive dissonance in ne. Power to Nathalie for writing in behalf of those that seek a better world.
I didn’t know what you were talking about until I looked on LI and spotted an unintelligible comment from someone with poor reading comprehension and a strong bias against any narcissism content (that probably described him). Thank you for celebrating my work and sharing its benefits in your life. You are gracious to people who don’t necessarily deserve it.
I’m so glad you found it and realised my point. Sorry it was so cryptic. Nathalie I believe that all these people have terribly damaged souls. #Trauma When I first went sick in June 2022 on June 21st I felt so dreadful, isolated, alienated and gaslit, I simply could not work out what the heck had happened to me. I consulted with a lovely woman called Deborah A on linked in and she helped me hugely at the time to deal with my trauma. She had me read chapter one of Richard Schwartz “No bad parts”, it was just enough to take the edge off my embittered heart and consider the “no shaming” mantra. It has helped me just that little bit to quell the fires stoked by the need for unbiased injustice. I honestly believe that the majority of people can be restored through neural science brain plasticity #BTFA . I have to keep hope that the core evil and fiercely impermeable narcissists are only 2-3 percent #LetsPray 🙏#LoveAndPeace #Faith
I meant unbiased justice 🙏
It sure does. I left activist spaces for good because this is how it always is.
I did too, 20 years ago!
As usual you have explained the process in great and accurate detail. I had years of this with one colleague who had several of us on the go for her supply, and would complain about each of us to the others! Then an intense period with another colleague who took her place. I can only conclude that narcissism is so rife in senior clinical positions in the UK NHS that it is the go-to, default approach that is learned at the knee. I really hope that greater awareness leads to a reduction in this kind of miserable behaviour. I have asked myself repeatedly, why me, and I can only conclude that my role (and capabilities in doing the role) were so niche that they felt threatened by it, by the unique position I held that they never could. Why we couldn't appreciate our different contributions, I will never understand. Maybe again a reflection of their insecurities, from life spent in a warped environment.
Based
Incredible article. 👏👏
Thank you @Trevor Leahy!
I wish I'd been able to read great advice like yours when I was starting out in my profession. I work in the entertainment industry, and this is pretty much every day behavior. I finally got to the point where I could work entirely at home, which has been a big help.
100%! I read through all your points and agree with every single one. During my PhD in public health nutrition, a general medical practitioner in the small town in which I lived ingratiated himself with my primary PhD supervisor and his wife, who runs a business in health coaching. There was narcissistic behaviour from all three including dishonesty, coercion, manipulation, plagiarism of my work by all of the wife, the GP, and others employed by the wife bullying, harassment of all types, threatening behaviour, and blackmail from the GP, his own girlfriend, and the female secondary supervisor of my PhD. That female supervisor told me in a text message to "not say anything" about the harassment and other behaviours because I would "jeopardize your thesis outcome".
Things plunged to a nadir when I tried to maintain some professional boundaries around my written work by not granting a health coach access to "resources" - which included soft copies of presentations I gave to a community group that contained at that stage unpublished data from my PhD. The GP himself had also violated his patients' privacy by sending their data and identifying details to my PhD supervisor and his wife (and also to me), so he could win an award called NZ GP of the Year (which he did in 2021. Four years later, he continues to promote himself and be promoted by my PhD supervisor as the GP of the Year). Given his breaches of patients' privacy, and the plagiarism of my work by the GP (a knowledge vampire) and my PhD supervisor's wife, I said no, especially as it would have been a breach of the ethical approval to send this data.
I was weeks away from submitting my PhD thesis. At the same time, the university at which I was enrolled were exposed in a #MeToo investigation for inadequacies in addressing sexual harassment - a further independent investigation found that bullying was "rife" at the university.
The consequences for me when I tried to raise this were simply terrible - the extreme gaslighting, accusations of misunderstanding and mental health, and threats, and name calling by the PhD supervisor, his wife and the general practitioner. They all at various points used the most profane language to describe me. Honestly, I feel I have a PhD in narcissistic behaviour, and the failures of the universities to deal with this properly. For example, I was gaslit and told "everybody has their own definition of sexual harassment, that might not be aligned with yours". The only way these people ever get removed is if students make formal complaints, which I didn't, because firstly, I needed to preserve some working relationships to get references for jobs, and secondly, my husband is enrolled at the same institution to complete post-graduate study of his own. I laid a complaint with the medical council of New Zealand, but they decided the problem was due to a "breakdown of an interpersonal relationship" and completely ignored the power dynamics that led to this situation. The GP does now have a record with the medical council.
I had to leave that town, and New Zealand (I moved to Australia!) for my own safety and wellbeing, given the nature of the threats, and the loss of relationships. I'm rebuilding my life, but it's come at a huge cost, and a complete loss of trust in medical and academic institutions which do attract these types of power-crazed, self-glorifying people with narcissistic traits.
Thanks for your posts, Nathalie, they are incredibly useful!
Im a male nurse. Welcome to my world.
Finally called HR on one of them last week - three medical errors, two arguments, and a lie about a patient, with a pretend, "Imma gunna slap you" on top, all within 10 minutes.
Im generally patient, but this was a little beyond the ususal pale.
Granted this is the best venue Ive worked in. The others were nonstop narcissistic behaviors for 12 hours straight. Gaslighting, riddles, strawmen, victim posing etc. but the worst was always "Im abusing you because you deserve it", which doesnt refute the abuse of course, it just reinforces it.
After having been married to a narcissist, I am far more interested in dealing with them in a work setting. Thank you for your clarity and spot-on descriptions of their behavior.
What a shameless pathetic man who got to live his fantasy life with you without his wife's knowledge. I'm not surprised it took years to heal from that betrayal and the false promises along the way. Good luck to his wife because he will have done it again and again to her.
I have many possible scenarios floating through my mind. Covert narcs attract caretakers. Perhaps his wife does it all and is so busy that she doesn't notice. Or she is endorsing his fantasy life and is controlling as hell.
Either way, never again!
Thank you for letting me know that this has been helpful!