Clearly not safe to bring the whole self to traditional workplaces which is partly why I chose to create my own therapy practice and work on a part time contract basis before recently mostly retiring from my LCSW work to write full time. It’s a function of discernment to know how much of the self one can bring to different spaces. I deliberately chose to create a lifestyle in which I can bring my whole self given the repression and oppression I’ve experienced in the majority of our institutions and society as a woman and a creative in addition to being b&r in a cult I fled at 15.
Anyone who believes that we all should be “our authentic selves” at work is delusional (and likely soon to be unemployed). You are paid to do a job and cooperate productively with your co-workers. Just do it.
I was fooled once too often by fraudulent coworkers who portrayed themselves as my friends but in reality were an enemy just waiting for the opportunity to stab me in the back. This is why today I perfer to live alone and refuse to allow male or female anyone to get close enough to hurt me. To be anything other than ones true self is at its core dishonest, immoral and a fraud.
You clearly learned the wrong lesson. If you are correct, then your co-worker was being “their authentic self” at the workplace. That is how some people are. Do we really want more of that behavior in the workplace?
You seem to assume that "being authentic" leads to better behavior. Typically, it leads to worse behavior. That is why employers and co-workers expect professional and cooperative behavior, not being authentic.
So you learned the consequences of your co-worker “being their authentic selves” by “stabbing you in the back.” That is a really good reason why we should NOT want people to “be their authentic selves” at work.
Employers need to cooperate together to get the job done, not stab co-workers in the back.
Those who portray themselves as anything other than their true selves at work are perpetuating a fraud on their employer and coworkers. They are neither trustworthy, legitimate nor credible.
I have a work self that is informed by my actual self, but it’s still performance. I just happen to have gotten it down finally after struggling with this compartmentalization for about a decade. I think this is also wrapped up in a performance of bourgeois manners. When I got my first corporate job I didn’t understand that professional norms are basically classed ones, so I had to learn the language, including of the body. Only now can I turn on the charisma at will to get my actual work noticed. Ability doesn’t matter; without my personality I’d never have gotten anywhere, but I also had to “tone it down”.
Ironically I think not being your true self in many situations is more akin to being true to yourself. Choosing common sense and wisdom to not express your real feelings is being true to yourself. I've found that those who goad or provoke me for keeping my real feelings private, for my own self protection and peace, are far less authentic. Living with your real feelings about something doesn't mean having to express them unnecessarily or in a destructive manner, that is ironically not authentic.
My AuDHD makes it difficult for me to be strategically "not my true self". I can either mask and be totally performative (which is tiring), or unmask, bring great insights and innovation and be either "loved or hated".
Clearly not safe to bring the whole self to traditional workplaces which is partly why I chose to create my own therapy practice and work on a part time contract basis before recently mostly retiring from my LCSW work to write full time. It’s a function of discernment to know how much of the self one can bring to different spaces. I deliberately chose to create a lifestyle in which I can bring my whole self given the repression and oppression I’ve experienced in the majority of our institutions and society as a woman and a creative in addition to being b&r in a cult I fled at 15.
Institutional culture is assimilation central. It requires a lot of energy to compartmentalise and decompress afterward.
Fantastic read, I’ve always been interested in psychology of the workplace.
Thank you Jweli! If you liked what you read, I think you'll enjoy the conversation!
Ill absolutely being listening to it.
We know a certain type of people who bring their most offensive and aggressive selves to work. To them it’s another “thing” to dominate.
If you have the energy, you can play with them and they won't know it. If you have the energy and no effs to give.
Yes! I’m in some of their threads. Within a day or two 90% of them will have blocked me.
Anyone who believes that we all should be “our authentic selves” at work is delusional (and likely soon to be unemployed). You are paid to do a job and cooperate productively with your co-workers. Just do it.
You can be your “authentic self” on the weekends.
Agreed.
I was fooled once too often by fraudulent coworkers who portrayed themselves as my friends but in reality were an enemy just waiting for the opportunity to stab me in the back. This is why today I perfer to live alone and refuse to allow male or female anyone to get close enough to hurt me. To be anything other than ones true self is at its core dishonest, immoral and a fraud.
You clearly learned the wrong lesson. If you are correct, then your co-worker was being “their authentic self” at the workplace. That is how some people are. Do we really want more of that behavior in the workplace?
You seem to assume that "being authentic" leads to better behavior. Typically, it leads to worse behavior. That is why employers and co-workers expect professional and cooperative behavior, not being authentic.
So you learned the consequences of your co-worker “being their authentic selves” by “stabbing you in the back.” That is a really good reason why we should NOT want people to “be their authentic selves” at work.
Employers need to cooperate together to get the job done, not stab co-workers in the back.
Those who portray themselves as anything other than their true selves at work are perpetuating a fraud on their employer and coworkers. They are neither trustworthy, legitimate nor credible.
… said the unemployed guy (or soon to be unemployed).
LOL
Sounds like the series Severance.
Have yet to see it but hear it’s worthwhile!
I have a work self that is informed by my actual self, but it’s still performance. I just happen to have gotten it down finally after struggling with this compartmentalization for about a decade. I think this is also wrapped up in a performance of bourgeois manners. When I got my first corporate job I didn’t understand that professional norms are basically classed ones, so I had to learn the language, including of the body. Only now can I turn on the charisma at will to get my actual work noticed. Ability doesn’t matter; without my personality I’d never have gotten anywhere, but I also had to “tone it down”.
Ironically I think not being your true self in many situations is more akin to being true to yourself. Choosing common sense and wisdom to not express your real feelings is being true to yourself. I've found that those who goad or provoke me for keeping my real feelings private, for my own self protection and peace, are far less authentic. Living with your real feelings about something doesn't mean having to express them unnecessarily or in a destructive manner, that is ironically not authentic.
My AuDHD makes it difficult for me to be strategically "not my true self". I can either mask and be totally performative (which is tiring), or unmask, bring great insights and innovation and be either "loved or hated".
Authenticity is so closely related to Legitimacy and Credibility that to be anything other then their true selves is a deliberate fraud.