A milestone for Hacking Narcissism

Thanking you all for making me a Substack Bestseller

I was doing my usual post-work Substack scroll yesterday, planning my responses when I saw the orange check next to my name in one the comments I had made on another’s post. I did a double take, refreshed the page, then screamed with glee.

I began writing here in July 2021 as a reaction and strategy to ensure the unpublished body of knowledge I developed over the years remained with me. I followed

Katherine Brodsky

and others’ lead in joining Substack as an alternative to other platforms. I started out with under 100 subscribers from my previous newsletter list on related but different topics, and began writing and publishing 3-4 pieces per month since my post defining hacking narcissism. 3 years and nearly 4000 subscribers later, your encouragement and support have made me a Bestseller!

The art and science of hacking narcissism

Narcissism is a hot topic because human behaviour vexes and intrigues us. We all know people who are high on the narcissism spectrum and many of us experienced being on the receiving end of it. We endure relationships with them, are hurt by them, and witness them wreak havoc on others. Most people are far more interested in talking about, analysing, and diagnosing individuals groups, and society with Cluster B and dark triad traits and discussing their effect on each of us.

I chose to emphasise and focus on the less obvious and subtle manifestations of these self-preservation strategies because they contribute to problems in our relationships with anyone, not just the narcissists.

I wanted to highlight the lesser known aspects of narcissism and patterns of narcissistic control to notice them in others and learn practical and validated strategies to thwart them. I also wanted to draw parallels between what we see in others who are unaware of their behaviours and their negative impact, to what we do to others when we’re not fully conscious of the drivers behind our own actions, or our effect on others. Until we can address our role and contributions to interpersonal conflict, and be prepared to make some necessary changes to improve things, nothing changes.

If my work helps you have sparks of insight or prompts self-reflection or helps someone implement a new cognitive or behaviour strategy, I’ve done my job.

Thank you all for your willingness to engage with my work, to share it with others here and beyond, and for paying to subscribe. I have received so much support from unexpected members of the Substack writer community (some of whom I have named in this Note) and feel inspired by so many other writers who put their heart and soul into what they craft. I feel blessed to have you to help me persevere through writers blocks, busy life, and Imposter Syndrome that pops up from time to time.

The focus for my next pieces are on assimilation (it’s big and might make it a multi parter) and what influences the leaders we choose, and how these relate to narcissism. What unconsciously makes our choices for us challenges ideas about free will, and whether we actually have it. That’ll be a discussion for another post.

A reminder to those who have been around and for new subscribers:

I publish 3-4 piece per month. 2/3 are partially to mostly behind a paywall.

All subscribers are free to message me privately and ask general questions/have a chat about narcissism.

All paid subscribers can message me about specific issues you are having about a problem person in your life (as long as it’s not about legal concerns).

All founding members get the above and can get a one hour coaching/consulting session with me for behaviour change support or strategic planning to navigate a relationship or situation with a narcissistic person.

If you're fairly new to my work, you will be able to find pieces under different topic headings in my Hacking Narcissism Compilation.

The Hacking Narcissism Compilation

Finally, my heart is full from the love I’ve received from many of you publicly and privately.

Thank you for your ongoing support and generosity. I wouldn’t have gotten here without it.

Nathalie

The Narcissism Hacker