The art and science of hacking narcissism

Cultivating ethical and fulfilling relationships

Narcissism, to me, is a spectrum of behavioural traits that we exhibit to attract, connect, bond and form relationships with people. We become narcissistic when we use those traits to dominate, exploit, oppress, manipulate, silence, exclude and harm others to reclaim, restore or maintain control over life’s uncertainties, protect self-perception (ego), other people’s perceptions and their actions.

These are survival adaptations from earlier life adversities and developmental trauma that can get activated at times when security is threatened to cope with feelings of insecurity, shame and fears of abandonment, rejection, insignificance.

Hacking Narcissism* is the art and science of disrupting & dismantling power dynamics that contribute to and maintain inequality, emotional dysregulation, empathy drain, dehumanisation, burnout and abuse in relationships. 

Becoming a narcissism hacker involves cultivating and maintaining connections with others that facilitate equality, mutual respect, trust and reciprocity while using behavioural insights to break controlling habits and heal wounds of betrayal and abandonment in a continuous process of self-examination, self-improvement and liberation from co-dependence.

Everything I write and speak about, and do is focused on raising awareness about the invisible factors, relational and historical blueprints that influence behaviour, communication, relating and our capacity to learn from the past to make better choices in the present to build a future that enables us all to thrive.

But first, let’s get a handle on our control issues…

(*Defined by Dr. Nathalie Martinek - please cite me when using this term and definition)