How to avoid being the workplace (or any place) invader
Making a good first impression that won't trigger the workplace immune response
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On my first trip to temples in Tamil Nadu, India during the festival of Navaratri 11 years ago today, I was briefed on appropriate clothing, behaviours, and customs to follow while there. As a Jewish woman with many observant relatives, I understood the requirement for modesty when visiting a conservative community or country. More than understood, I accepted that I would have to make sacrifices to show respect as a foreigner to the host culture.
I would wear traditional clothing, go barefoot in temples and accommodation, scorching my feet on hot concrete, sport a bindi of either sandalwood paste, ash from the many sacred fires, or kumkum powder. Prostrating is common in front of sacred objects, saints, and gurus and encouraged as a sign of reverence and humility rather than to signal subservience.
I found all of it overwhelming as I entered full blown culture shock. My Jewish upbringing and socialisation could not compute all the contradictions, the scorching heat, the chaotic activity, and the cultish behaviour of the Westerners who were there with me, going through the motions as if this had always been their culture and customs. Everyone was raving about how awesome everything was and I was not feeling it.
Instead of taking a nap, a few breaths, or touching grass to collect myself, I went into harsh culture critic mode. Nothing was safe from my judgemental stance, including my fake fellow guests. Everything seemed inferior, backwards, disorganised, sexist, and exclusive compared to my ways and beliefs. I had to defend and proclaim the superiority of my beliefs and customs rather than deal with shame-infused Imposter Syndrome. I’m certain I was insufferable to those who were trying to immerse and find their way in unfamiliar territory.
The Imposter Syndrome never left me alone on that trip but the culture clash eventually eased once I became more familiar with the daily rhythm, ceremonies, and daily feedings of the beautiful elephants who bless your head with their trunk. The self-preserving judgey voice left and I became open to learning about this ancient culture and its practices. I remembered that I’m a foreigner and a guest to a welcoming host. Respect is shown by being grateful for the hospitality and their eagerness to share their culture with me rather than impose my beliefs on my hosts and caretakers to make myself feel better. Respect in these conditions invites respect and it’s no coincidence that my experience improved toward the end of that trip.
Imposter Syndrome: the destabilising experience of learning something new that conflicts with a current belief or the process of developing a new skill that is often accompanied by self-doubt, feeling fraudulent, and thoughts of giving up.
Despite the Imposter Syndrome, I experienced something there I never have anywhere else. As I learned to approach every encounter with people, spiritual practices, and temples with openness and humility, I received immense positive energy from those encounters. I’ve gone back 15 times to the same place for the past 11 years and the Imposter Syndrome has dissipated giving way to deep gratitude and reverence for the gift of peace I experience there. I cringed when I remembered the ignorance and arrogance I brought with me on that first trip to shield me from culture shock and my insecurities about not belonging. I can look back at that version of me now and chuckle at how my distress brought out a suite of narcissistic behaviours.
This wasn’t the first time I imposed myself on a new culture. When I started my first post-academia role in an organisation, I also felt challenged adjusting to a role that could care less about my titles and credentials while operating in an organisation that cares deeply about titles and credentials. There was no need for competitiveness or standing out as everyone was treated like a valued member of the team. Strangely enough, this made me feel uneasy and I started to look for things to improve rather than focus on doing my actual job. I found faults in our processes and soon enough, others on the team started to weigh in. I was the newest member already disrupting status quo to fulfil my non-negotiable and entitled vision of improvement.
As expected, there was pushback from managers and other remote members who were happy with the current process despite the inefficiencies. Seeing as I wasn’t going to get my way, I turned to other areas of the organisation that needed improvement. Things I initiated and advocated for sent a ripple effect up to leadership resulting in the resignation of the few senior managers and a director who supported my efforts to improve staff wellbeing. It also put me on my managers’ radar who found a way to move me onto another team temporarily until my contract ran out. It was seamless and undramatic on the surface, but I could see that my actions to make improvements beyond my position description landed a number of people in hot water and they needed to manage me out ASAP.
What fuelled my actions? My rejection of the culture, my inadequacy hangover from academia, and my need for self-worth by proving that I was too good for my job (that was created for me).
I was not capable of assimilating into a culture that preferred me to (but was also accepting of me to a point) and I was overly individualistic (narcissistic *cough cough*) trying to impose my ideas about correct culture and practices on everyone else.
Worst of all, I did not see this about myself and no one told me I was insufferable because I managed to triangulate people through a shared sense of inadequacy. Perhaps having certain credentials buffered me from my conduct due to their assumptions that I would eventually come around and focus on getting my work done. Even if they had warned me, I might not have heard them over the roaring of my ego.
Disrupting a toxic culture triggers an immune response that can awaken bullies
Every place has a unique culture established and shaped by those who participate in it. In a dominance-based hierarchical workplace, culture is shaped by the authorities with the most say. Like entering a foreign county, a newcomer is invited to participate and fulfil specific obligations dictated by the workplace culture and their position description. Every workplace has implicit and explicit norms that can only be discerned through a gradual entry and integration process, alongside observational and analytical skills. Too often, newcomers, also known as foreigners, who are eager to please and make a good impression mistakenly assume that their new place of work - their colleagues and managers - will have their back.
It’s common for newcomers to feel they have something to prove and bring Imposter Syndrome from prior, negative work experiences into their new role. The desire to win people over by demonstrating competence, enthusiasm, and productivity as a new employee in an established toxic workplace culture can ruffle some feathers. Trampling on established processes and carefully cultivated relationships, unintentionally disturbing the workplace ecosystem, can trigger the workplace immune response to seek and destroy the threat.