What to expect when you leave a toxic relationship
Navigating relations with ex-narcissistic partners, colleagues and friends
There comes a time in any relationship when you finally see the writing on the wall, and it says:
“I’m with a narcissist.”
“I’m in a toxic relationship.”
“He/she/they’re never going to change.”
And your heart and mind say that you’re done.
It can feel painful and also a relief when you accept reality because now you can plan a transition toward your exit from the relationship.
The decision to end will have also felt difficult because the other person is difficult. When I say difficult, I mean toxic, narcissistic, relentlessly challenging and tricky. Difficult.
You’ve come to realise all their behaviours toward you have been orchestrated so that you feel dependent on them meeting your emotional or economic needs either through extreme attention or through force and gradual deprivation of your own support and resources. Exiting this relationship can have emotional, psychological, economic, social and personal safety implications, which is why it’s not easy to leave.
Once you’ve decided that you’re done with the relationship, you already start creating distance between yourself and the other person. This might look like being less available to talk with them by phone or text and other measures that gradually reduces their access to you. It will also mean that you lose interest in spending time with them, even when they start to intensify their affection or attention toward you, because you’ve already begun to place emotional distance between you and them. You might feel turned off overall because you now see, and can’t unsee, what you couldn’t see when the relationship seemed to be going well. While all of these factors facilitate your exit from the relationship with the other person, you will need all your energy to manage what happens next.
Breaking up with another person will also influence the stability of many other relationships that are connected to the other person, yourself and to both of you. It’s a good idea to be prepared for and expect challenging times ahead as you navigate the ending of your relationship with a narcissistic soon to be ex.
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