How to pushback against someone who wants revenge

Protecting against revenge

So far I’ve written and spoken about interpersonal narcissism and how to avoid replaying the same tangled mess with those who want ultimate control over you, and how to successfully respond to their attempts to overpower you. In writing about the strategies of disentanglement, I have steered away from describing the need for and actions toward retribution and justice against those who have done you or I wrong…until now. Here’s my story:

I had a knowledge vampire situation with a collaborator who was also a friend. Knowing this person well, I knew I couldn’t accuse them or even suggest that they extracted my knowledge over a period of time and presented it back to me as if it was theirs all along, because if you’ve read my previous pieces, you would know that you can’t be honest with someone who is invested in their own agenda. If you try it, I can guarantee they will DARVO you and use additional accountability averse behaviour. Rather than expose them and become perceived as the threat and the cause of conflict, I chose the gradual gray rock method to slowly withdraw my intellectual, emotional and attention supply to assist my exit from the collaboration and the friendship without them noticing.