My next move is to leave. Unfortunately, these situations are more the norm than the exception these days. Many narcissists ascend to positions of power in the workplace and throughout society. I’ve experienced this at other stops as well. Usually, a culture of fear and silence transpires. There’s also inconsistent accountability in these organizations where those who stroke the narcissistic leader’s ego capitulate and are held to a much more lenient standard than those who push back. Responsiveness and productivity suffer, and everything becomes about impression management to the leader’s bosses - attempting to give the impression that all is well under their watch, and the scapegoat(s) are the issue.
As you mentioned, leaving is the only and best option.
Loved your deep dive on Voices from the Edge, Nathalie!
Scapegoating at work is such a sneaky beast—psychologically, it’s the workplace’s way of dodging its own mess. It’s like the group gaslights you into thinking you’re the problem, when really, you just shone a light on their cracks. Spotting those early red flags—exclusion, shifting narratives—can save your sanity and let you exit with your head high.
Thank you Irina! The organisation functions just like a narcissist - lovebombs, gaslights, stokes conflict, DARVO, humiliating rituals. I feel for people who have to deal with this in their personal and professional life. Sometimes a grand exit and temporary retreat from everyday life is what's needed!
This happened to me twice. It's brutal, especially since it was so obvious but HR always took the 'company' side because it was easier to push out one scapegoat rather than address the systemic rot in the org.
It's a horrible - I'm sorry you've been through this Michael. HR is often the enabling spouse figure in the narcissistic workplace family system. It's easier for them to get rid of the problem than to look inward and confront themselves as the problem.
Very well said. I hadn’t thought of it like a toxic family but the parallels are there. They’re trying to ‘mother’ and instead become the ‘devouring mother’.
Given your knowledge of family scapegoating, I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the overlap between what we discussed in the interview and how it plays out in families Kelly. Thank you!
I've been the scapegoat at my work but I seem to have brought about change by refusing to be silent about the inconsistency between my employer's rhetoric and actions. The organisation has changed its practices to align with the rhetoric, although I have no doubt that the same discriminatoty intent remains (i.e. feminism). To date they have been unable to get rid of me and I'm at the stage of my career where it doesn't matter if they succeed because I'm financially secure. The most important thing for me is integrity.
Love your resistance and give no shits story Tim! One of the biggest mistakes scapegoated people make is try to work harder to regain trust and support. Sometimes it’s worth asserting your authority and exuding an air of untouchability and emotional detachment because they can’t hold work over you.
Thank you for this brilliant description of what happens in the workplace, certainly most places I have worked. At the time(s), there was always much theorising about what the actual problem might be, and how to solve it; the toxicity is obvious and subtle at the same time, and comes with a lot of gaslighting.
She's got it. By Jove she's got it! Putting scapegoating into the same classification as bullying is a genius solution. I say that because 40 years ago I was scapegoated right out of the only job I ever really enjoyed and only recently have I fully understood why it happened. Newsrooms are enormously inbred institutions and I slipped out of what was at one time a very good newsroom by forces that managed to ruin it by politicization. Only a clever wife who read the defense clearly and made me confront the fact that I was one and the folks who wanted my scalp were many and more adept at playing the emotion cards that seemed to make me a pariah.
This isn't a sob story. As I'm sure Nathalie Martinek understands, getting out of the toxic environment was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Here I am, 80 years old and having the time of my life doing exactly what I wanted to be doing in the early 1980s. Two other journalists of a similar persuasion to mine didn't fare nearly as easily. One was suspended for six months for an imaginary infraction. He died of a heart attack before the suspension had run his course. The other took a demotion and died within a year of another heart attack. Both of them were in their forties.
Like I say, I am lucky. I was forewarned by another staffer that a new regime had announced to their faithful that I was their first target in a newsroom cleanout. I genially ducked the axe once, then slipped off the chopping block long enough to help my wife launch a career that made far more than either one of us would have earned alone. Win-Win. It was so cool, really. I have even lost my desire to sit down with the corporate power players who thought they were really jabbing me in the ass. That's cheap shit. I don't need it any more.
So thank you, Nathalie, for giving the world a new vocabulary to describe the things that can happen to what I will call "edge workers," those who don't fit within the boundaries of the cookie-cutter. We won't fit comfortably anywhere that puts an institution's interests above those of human beings.
PS to herself: I learned what composes the fourth leg of the Dark Triad and finding it answered several other questions I had. THX
What a compliment Evan - thank you! I’m so inspired by your professional path and that you’re doing exactly what you want at 80. I hope to be able to say the same thing as you when I get there.
For those of us who cannot assimilate (your ‘edge workers) into these crazy institutions. There’s a place for each of us, just not in them!
Nathalie, a follow-up you may find interesting. Yesterday I read and commented on your scapegoating idea. Last night I had a long, long dream (I hope I'm not sharing too much.) It went like this: my old newsroom boss came to my desk and said I had been working part-time for a while. I had to make a decision. Okay, I said, I quit.
I then proceeded to clean out my desk. It was a light-hearted task. It went on and on. I had no idea I had so many things stored in that damn desk.
When I finally got the drawers empties, I dismantled the desk itself and threw the pieces in the dumpster with the rest of the junk. It was a long process, fraught at first, becoming more and more uplifting. I woke this morning ready to finish a project I had been working on for a long time.
Maybe Freud would find something interesting in the dream. I just relish the good night's sleep.
...brilliant piece! I'm living this situation currently and have seen it throughout my career.
Thank you! I'm so sorry you're going through this.We're witnesses to dysfunction until we're the target. What's your next move?
My next move is to leave. Unfortunately, these situations are more the norm than the exception these days. Many narcissists ascend to positions of power in the workplace and throughout society. I’ve experienced this at other stops as well. Usually, a culture of fear and silence transpires. There’s also inconsistent accountability in these organizations where those who stroke the narcissistic leader’s ego capitulate and are held to a much more lenient standard than those who push back. Responsiveness and productivity suffer, and everything becomes about impression management to the leader’s bosses - attempting to give the impression that all is well under their watch, and the scapegoat(s) are the issue.
As you mentioned, leaving is the only and best option.
Loved your deep dive on Voices from the Edge, Nathalie!
Scapegoating at work is such a sneaky beast—psychologically, it’s the workplace’s way of dodging its own mess. It’s like the group gaslights you into thinking you’re the problem, when really, you just shone a light on their cracks. Spotting those early red flags—exclusion, shifting narratives—can save your sanity and let you exit with your head high.
Thank you Irina! The organisation functions just like a narcissist - lovebombs, gaslights, stokes conflict, DARVO, humiliating rituals. I feel for people who have to deal with this in their personal and professional life. Sometimes a grand exit and temporary retreat from everyday life is what's needed!
This happened to me twice. It's brutal, especially since it was so obvious but HR always took the 'company' side because it was easier to push out one scapegoat rather than address the systemic rot in the org.
It's a horrible - I'm sorry you've been through this Michael. HR is often the enabling spouse figure in the narcissistic workplace family system. It's easier for them to get rid of the problem than to look inward and confront themselves as the problem.
Very well said. I hadn’t thought of it like a toxic family but the parallels are there. They’re trying to ‘mother’ and instead become the ‘devouring mother’.
Look forward to listening!
Given your knowledge of family scapegoating, I would be curious to hear your thoughts on the overlap between what we discussed in the interview and how it plays out in families Kelly. Thank you!
I've been the scapegoat at my work but I seem to have brought about change by refusing to be silent about the inconsistency between my employer's rhetoric and actions. The organisation has changed its practices to align with the rhetoric, although I have no doubt that the same discriminatoty intent remains (i.e. feminism). To date they have been unable to get rid of me and I'm at the stage of my career where it doesn't matter if they succeed because I'm financially secure. The most important thing for me is integrity.
Love your resistance and give no shits story Tim! One of the biggest mistakes scapegoated people make is try to work harder to regain trust and support. Sometimes it’s worth asserting your authority and exuding an air of untouchability and emotional detachment because they can’t hold work over you.
Thank you for this brilliant description of what happens in the workplace, certainly most places I have worked. At the time(s), there was always much theorising about what the actual problem might be, and how to solve it; the toxicity is obvious and subtle at the same time, and comes with a lot of gaslighting.
Thank you Diane for your enthusiasm for this piece/interview! It’s your typical abuse dynamic cloaked in workplace wellbeing propaganda
She's got it. By Jove she's got it! Putting scapegoating into the same classification as bullying is a genius solution. I say that because 40 years ago I was scapegoated right out of the only job I ever really enjoyed and only recently have I fully understood why it happened. Newsrooms are enormously inbred institutions and I slipped out of what was at one time a very good newsroom by forces that managed to ruin it by politicization. Only a clever wife who read the defense clearly and made me confront the fact that I was one and the folks who wanted my scalp were many and more adept at playing the emotion cards that seemed to make me a pariah.
This isn't a sob story. As I'm sure Nathalie Martinek understands, getting out of the toxic environment was by far the best thing that ever happened to me. Here I am, 80 years old and having the time of my life doing exactly what I wanted to be doing in the early 1980s. Two other journalists of a similar persuasion to mine didn't fare nearly as easily. One was suspended for six months for an imaginary infraction. He died of a heart attack before the suspension had run his course. The other took a demotion and died within a year of another heart attack. Both of them were in their forties.
Like I say, I am lucky. I was forewarned by another staffer that a new regime had announced to their faithful that I was their first target in a newsroom cleanout. I genially ducked the axe once, then slipped off the chopping block long enough to help my wife launch a career that made far more than either one of us would have earned alone. Win-Win. It was so cool, really. I have even lost my desire to sit down with the corporate power players who thought they were really jabbing me in the ass. That's cheap shit. I don't need it any more.
So thank you, Nathalie, for giving the world a new vocabulary to describe the things that can happen to what I will call "edge workers," those who don't fit within the boundaries of the cookie-cutter. We won't fit comfortably anywhere that puts an institution's interests above those of human beings.
PS to herself: I learned what composes the fourth leg of the Dark Triad and finding it answered several other questions I had. THX
What a compliment Evan - thank you! I’m so inspired by your professional path and that you’re doing exactly what you want at 80. I hope to be able to say the same thing as you when I get there.
For those of us who cannot assimilate (your ‘edge workers) into these crazy institutions. There’s a place for each of us, just not in them!
Nathalie, a follow-up you may find interesting. Yesterday I read and commented on your scapegoating idea. Last night I had a long, long dream (I hope I'm not sharing too much.) It went like this: my old newsroom boss came to my desk and said I had been working part-time for a while. I had to make a decision. Okay, I said, I quit.
I then proceeded to clean out my desk. It was a light-hearted task. It went on and on. I had no idea I had so many things stored in that damn desk.
When I finally got the drawers empties, I dismantled the desk itself and threw the pieces in the dumpster with the rest of the junk. It was a long process, fraught at first, becoming more and more uplifting. I woke this morning ready to finish a project I had been working on for a long time.
Maybe Freud would find something interesting in the dream. I just relish the good night's sleep.
allbest, elm
Such an accurate summary of the scapegoat experience.
I’m glad it resonated!
Love this article and excellent interview! You are doing tremendous work to help people heal from and understand scapegoating.
Thank you so much for listening and for all your amazing support Shana!