Reframing shame for inner peace

A conversation with Dr. Rowshanak Hashemiyoon

Have you ever had one of those deep, rich and meaningful conversations with someone that you wish you had recorded? I’ve had a few. So I feel excited when people I admire invite me to speak with them about my favourite topics: narcissism, maligned emotions and human behaviour. Recently, Yuri Bezmenov invited me onto his podcast to discuss how to hack narcissism. He’s a skillful interviewer and his respectful approach put me at ease. If he asks you to join his podcast, be smart and say yes.

How To Hack Narcissism

I was also excited to have another conversation with Dr. Rowshanak Hashemiyoon, a credentialed computational, clinical, and behavioral neuroscientist who combines spiritual intelligence with science to help people live smarter and with greater peace. She’s another skilled, intelligent and engaging interviewer who blows me away with her depth of knowledge, innovating ideas, cleverness and her generous heart.

She had me on her Mindset. Heartset. Reset podcast to challenge common yet unhelpful ideas about shame to encourage listeners to consider how shame can be used productively for personal growth and accessing peace. I’ve spoken A LOT about shame and its role in narcissistic behaviour, greed, envy, loneliness and self-loathing, as well as its role in resisting all of those emotional states. This conversation was the BEST one I’ve ever had on shame.

If you struggle with shame, depression, guilt, insecurity and its associated feelings, I strongly recommend sticking through the 1h40 minute conversation because you won’t hear this stuff anywhere else.

We discussed:

• Definitions of shame

• Myths and flawed narratives associated with shame

• The shame compass - our reactions to shame

• Shame vs. humiliation

• The 3 Shames framework

• Reframing shame

• Developing self-confidence and peace

What resonated with you? What challenged you? We would love to know your thoughts about reframed shame.

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Hack narcissism and support my work

I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.

While activists focus on fighting macro issues, I believe that activism also needs to focus on the micro issues - the narcissistic traits that pollute relationships between you and I, and between each other, without contributing to existing injustice. It’s not as exciting as fighting the Big Baddies yet hacking, resisting, overriding and deprogramming our tendencies to control others that also manifest as our macro issues is my full-time job.

I’m dedicated to helping people understand all the ways narcissistic traits infiltrate and taint our interpersonal, professional, organisational and political relationships, and provide strategies for narcissism hackers to fight back and find peace.

Here’s how you can help.

• Order my book: The Little Book of Assertiveness: Speak up with confidence

• Support my work:

  • through a Substack subscription

  • by sharing my work with your loved ones and networks

  • by citing my work in your presentations and posts

  • by inviting me to speak, deliver training or consult for your organisation