You put so many other writers to shame Nathalie! Another searingly clear piece. Hope it will be a good year for you with positive forward momentum and gratifying endeavours. Just saw the Jolie visits Rafah news this morning and was reminded of one of your excellent pieces on female narcissism…
This is such an epic, thoughtful, and thought-provoking article, Natalie! I continue to love your work, as it is always conceptual, understanding, and exhibits such amazing strength of conviction. It reminds me of when you talked with Todd in a previous live conversation, as I thoroughly enjoyed watching it readily back in 2025. I would love to invite you to speak about the importance of narcissism on the human condition, along with inspiration, realization, and action towards a better outcome.
“These adults learn how to prioritise saving face, master the performance of goodness, and rise through hierarchies because our lack of discernment conflates surface level social compliance with social responsibility.”
Brilliant observation. I have a few thoughts that are directly or tangentially related to this phenomenon.
(1) First is the sales driven culture of countries like the US. Capitalism demands profits and profits demand “aligning” with the customer. This breeds the behavior of emotional validation, which you have eloquently written about. Validation sends the message of “you’re great as it is, nothing to worry about” and subtly discourages accountability.
(2) Second is the expansion of market into domains that previously involved families/communities. Think doulas, life coaches, etc. While this is not necessarily a negative development, it removes non-paid actors from the equation (your family) and introduces paid professionals who are interested in helping you, but also interested in keeping the cash flowing. Because of the monetary incentive, they may be disinclined to call out your moral transgressions.
(3) Related to #2 is the general explosion of personal services. These provide comfort and remove friction. When people become more “pampered”, they are less accustomed to discomfort, which discourages accountability.
“These adults learn how to prioritise saving face, master the performance of goodness, and rise through hierarchies because our lack of discernment conflates surface level social compliance with social responsibility.”
This is the value of religion. It demands sacrifice that you can't fake. It signals to others those who are trustworthy as opposed to untrustworthy.
I would add - this is the value of religion pursued sincerely. There are plenty of religious people who behave as if they're immune from consequences of their morally questionable behaviour because they're religious.
…great piece…absolutely true. Feigning goodwill and social responsibility is a major component of the narcissistic leader’s arsenal to achieve their selfish ends. They may even feign a “change of behavior” if they encounter personality and performance issues, but the newfound concern for others is only part of the performance. While many only see what’s presented on the surface, for those who are able to discern their true motives it comes across as disingenuous and inauthentic. Still, narcissistic leaders are able to fool enough with their false self persona, which keeps narcissistic leadership rampant throughout all societal institutions.
Your work is incredibly insightful and important. I appreciate how succinctly you deconstruct complex work environments and the personal motivations and pathologies of people in leadership positions. And how their harmful behaviours & actions go unchecked and often rewarded. They create a type of dystopia in the workplace where often the only way to avoid harm is to leave.
Thank you for this piece. I found you here on substack earlier this year when I was going through a very difficult time with my work, in particular a narcissistic male manager who treated women badly but was very intelligent and successful, and was deceptively charismatic when it suited him. He also was generous with cursing at his managers and cowering us. Your writing helped me see how sick he was and how I could not return to work there. I’m now very grateful and happy in a new job with wonderful colleagues that value treating employees like whole people and I couldn’t imagine this 6 months ago. I can’t subscribe to a lot right now so I especially appreciate this piece. God bless you in the new year, may you flourish and be joyful!
As a side work, I have been trying to gather several quotes, not knowing of a "link" that those were seemingly sharing. I have been able to spot "the human condition". I tried to write an article about those quotes, but it has been difficult! If this is of your interest, here is the link:
In it, I refer to a French psychiatrist - Christophe DEJOURS; he wrote a very famous book, in which he explains how the workplace basically features a very important & critical "aspect" (let's say): at work, directives for the task to be done are the theory part - from which people ought to do their best. Meeting the directives, the memos, etc.
But here it is: the French psy. identified how theory will never be met at 100%. As such, companies sometimes deliberetedly choose to ignore this irreconcillable gap - this being upstream of a whole chain of enslavement - with alienation downstream.
You can read about this spec in the above-linked article, or head there:
It is my opinion that this "irreconcillable gap" has overall to deal with "management" and the "organization" of "a structure", so that it's not, stricly put, restricted at the work place. Ultimately, I do believe that this specific "trouble" (let's say) is in fact representative of a very very common "technique" (or mode of activity) - of "evil"/badness.
If this is of interest to you, I would be happy that you let me know what you think, please! I would especially be eager to ask your thoughts about my article "two-irreconciliable-forces-version" since it has been my little baby, an article gathering and summing up very vast amounts of personal research - and beecause I wasn't able to reach some conclusions that I feel to be seeing, without being able to formulate those exactly...
Thank you for your article! It is very interesting! "The human condition" seems to be a big "one", and I appreciate how the "negativity" bound to the human conditions seems to be transient, temporary. Many people will tend to opt for a pejorative view on humans, because they are immersed in a negative humanity. In fact, it's not so! That is why I am writing!
Your skill of identifying clarity in the midst of confusion is why I follow your posts. Human interactions often escape understanding among those of us untrained in the science of human behavior. I hope you can continue sharing this work for those of us unable to financially support all the worthy thinkers we follow. Best wishes in this new year.
You put so many other writers to shame Nathalie! Another searingly clear piece. Hope it will be a good year for you with positive forward momentum and gratifying endeavours. Just saw the Jolie visits Rafah news this morning and was reminded of one of your excellent pieces on female narcissism…
This is such an epic, thoughtful, and thought-provoking article, Natalie! I continue to love your work, as it is always conceptual, understanding, and exhibits such amazing strength of conviction. It reminds me of when you talked with Todd in a previous live conversation, as I thoroughly enjoyed watching it readily back in 2025. I would love to invite you to speak about the importance of narcissism on the human condition, along with inspiration, realization, and action towards a better outcome.
“These adults learn how to prioritise saving face, master the performance of goodness, and rise through hierarchies because our lack of discernment conflates surface level social compliance with social responsibility.”
Brilliant observation. I have a few thoughts that are directly or tangentially related to this phenomenon.
(1) First is the sales driven culture of countries like the US. Capitalism demands profits and profits demand “aligning” with the customer. This breeds the behavior of emotional validation, which you have eloquently written about. Validation sends the message of “you’re great as it is, nothing to worry about” and subtly discourages accountability.
(2) Second is the expansion of market into domains that previously involved families/communities. Think doulas, life coaches, etc. While this is not necessarily a negative development, it removes non-paid actors from the equation (your family) and introduces paid professionals who are interested in helping you, but also interested in keeping the cash flowing. Because of the monetary incentive, they may be disinclined to call out your moral transgressions.
(3) Related to #2 is the general explosion of personal services. These provide comfort and remove friction. When people become more “pampered”, they are less accustomed to discomfort, which discourages accountability.
“These adults learn how to prioritise saving face, master the performance of goodness, and rise through hierarchies because our lack of discernment conflates surface level social compliance with social responsibility.”
This is the value of religion. It demands sacrifice that you can't fake. It signals to others those who are trustworthy as opposed to untrustworthy.
I would add - this is the value of religion pursued sincerely. There are plenty of religious people who behave as if they're immune from consequences of their morally questionable behaviour because they're religious.
…great piece…absolutely true. Feigning goodwill and social responsibility is a major component of the narcissistic leader’s arsenal to achieve their selfish ends. They may even feign a “change of behavior” if they encounter personality and performance issues, but the newfound concern for others is only part of the performance. While many only see what’s presented on the surface, for those who are able to discern their true motives it comes across as disingenuous and inauthentic. Still, narcissistic leaders are able to fool enough with their false self persona, which keeps narcissistic leadership rampant throughout all societal institutions.
Thanks for sharing this.
Your work is incredibly insightful and important. I appreciate how succinctly you deconstruct complex work environments and the personal motivations and pathologies of people in leadership positions. And how their harmful behaviours & actions go unchecked and often rewarded. They create a type of dystopia in the workplace where often the only way to avoid harm is to leave.
Thank you for this piece. I found you here on substack earlier this year when I was going through a very difficult time with my work, in particular a narcissistic male manager who treated women badly but was very intelligent and successful, and was deceptively charismatic when it suited him. He also was generous with cursing at his managers and cowering us. Your writing helped me see how sick he was and how I could not return to work there. I’m now very grateful and happy in a new job with wonderful colleagues that value treating employees like whole people and I couldn’t imagine this 6 months ago. I can’t subscribe to a lot right now so I especially appreciate this piece. God bless you in the new year, may you flourish and be joyful!
Hello,
As a side work, I have been trying to gather several quotes, not knowing of a "link" that those were seemingly sharing. I have been able to spot "the human condition". I tried to write an article about those quotes, but it has been difficult! If this is of your interest, here is the link:
https://palmoth.substack.com/p/two-irreconciliable-forces-version
In it, I refer to a French psychiatrist - Christophe DEJOURS; he wrote a very famous book, in which he explains how the workplace basically features a very important & critical "aspect" (let's say): at work, directives for the task to be done are the theory part - from which people ought to do their best. Meeting the directives, the memos, etc.
But here it is: the French psy. identified how theory will never be met at 100%. As such, companies sometimes deliberetedly choose to ignore this irreconcillable gap - this being upstream of a whole chain of enslavement - with alienation downstream.
You can read about this spec in the above-linked article, or head there:
https://palmoth.substack.com/p/psychopathology-of-work
It is my opinion that this "irreconcillable gap" has overall to deal with "management" and the "organization" of "a structure", so that it's not, stricly put, restricted at the work place. Ultimately, I do believe that this specific "trouble" (let's say) is in fact representative of a very very common "technique" (or mode of activity) - of "evil"/badness.
If this is of interest to you, I would be happy that you let me know what you think, please! I would especially be eager to ask your thoughts about my article "two-irreconciliable-forces-version" since it has been my little baby, an article gathering and summing up very vast amounts of personal research - and beecause I wasn't able to reach some conclusions that I feel to be seeing, without being able to formulate those exactly...
Thank you for your article! It is very interesting! "The human condition" seems to be a big "one", and I appreciate how the "negativity" bound to the human conditions seems to be transient, temporary. Many people will tend to opt for a pejorative view on humans, because they are immersed in a negative humanity. In fact, it's not so! That is why I am writing!
Your skill of identifying clarity in the midst of confusion is why I follow your posts. Human interactions often escape understanding among those of us untrained in the science of human behavior. I hope you can continue sharing this work for those of us unable to financially support all the worthy thinkers we follow. Best wishes in this new year.