For me, it has to start with relocating confidence in myself to confidence in an external authority. This is a real issue in my field (and most others), because, as a practitioner, my clients often WANT to give me that authority, and, when I refuse it, that makes me a failure as a marketer!
The promise, “I will solve your problem” sells.
The promise, “I will provide expert guidance with integrity to help you navigate your problem” does not.
Commenting on the article, haven’t watched the talk yet.
Personal experiences with manipulative trust building:
- They are enthusiastic about speaking with you and use your name at every turn.
- They are performing faux-vulnerability by admitting to a small weakness and highlighting your strength: “Your outfits are so on point! I always struggle with accessories and color matching, sometimes I feel like my wardrobe got stuck in the 90s”
- They ask you to explain something they already know, so they can compliment you on your competence “Thank you for explaining XYZ in an approachable manner! We had a guy from McKinsey give a similar presentation, but it just went over my head.”
- They give you preemptive compliments that evoke a feeling of duty to live up to that expectation “You’re such a high a performer, nobody else can wrap up this project with this level of thoughtfulness” (when you’re burned out from working overtime and considering giving up on the project)
- Tactical empathy: they validate every feeling and name every emotion you might be experiencing
You share some great insights here. I can’t help but to think about the importance of discernment when reading your words. Maybe because it’s on my mind after our conversation but it really feels like it applies when it comes to being aware of when trust is based on mutual respect or control and manipulation. Thanks for your guidance.
For me, it has to start with relocating confidence in myself to confidence in an external authority. This is a real issue in my field (and most others), because, as a practitioner, my clients often WANT to give me that authority, and, when I refuse it, that makes me a failure as a marketer!
The promise, “I will solve your problem” sells.
The promise, “I will provide expert guidance with integrity to help you navigate your problem” does not.
Commenting on the article, haven’t watched the talk yet.
Personal experiences with manipulative trust building:
- They are enthusiastic about speaking with you and use your name at every turn.
- They are performing faux-vulnerability by admitting to a small weakness and highlighting your strength: “Your outfits are so on point! I always struggle with accessories and color matching, sometimes I feel like my wardrobe got stuck in the 90s”
- They ask you to explain something they already know, so they can compliment you on your competence “Thank you for explaining XYZ in an approachable manner! We had a guy from McKinsey give a similar presentation, but it just went over my head.”
- They give you preemptive compliments that evoke a feeling of duty to live up to that expectation “You’re such a high a performer, nobody else can wrap up this project with this level of thoughtfulness” (when you’re burned out from working overtime and considering giving up on the project)
- Tactical empathy: they validate every feeling and name every emotion you might be experiencing
You share some great insights here. I can’t help but to think about the importance of discernment when reading your words. Maybe because it’s on my mind after our conversation but it really feels like it applies when it comes to being aware of when trust is based on mutual respect or control and manipulation. Thanks for your guidance.
"the narcissistic traits that pollute relationships between you and I," Just noticed this typo. Should be "between you and me." Objective case.
Thank you for helping out my grammar!