This really cut through the noise. The way you broke down anticipatory guilt and how it works alongside shame hit hard. That pattern of overriding what we know is off just to avoid rocking the boat—it’s so familiar it’s scary.
Discernment doesn’t get enough attention because it isn’t flashy. But reading this reminded me how much courage it actually takes to pause, question, and not immediately fold back into the comfort of what we’re told to believe.
Thanks for laying it out so clearly without falling into performance. This was solid.
This is nothing short of consciousness raising, and brings to mind a felt sense of the primal challenges and threat experienced when owning one's own emerging discernment. Another intelligent and profound post, Nathalie, thanks.
Thank you Susan for your point about the impact of owning one's discernment. A finely honed bs meter can unintentionally invite strong backlash. And thank you for reading it!
Thanks for linking Nathalie! These are great points about a discipline that has been (amost) lost. Yes curiosity about the uncomfortable messages our gut is sending to us is a capacity that we have to develop and practice. And even its benefits have become almost taboo. In mentalization based treatment for BPD, we talk explicitly about developing this curious stance and tolerence of uncertainty. But we’re missing it in our culture as well.
Narcissistic people often suggest that they’re more discerning than those in their charge.
What differentiates a narcissistic annexation of discernment as an acceptable behavior versus the use of discernment to protect ourselves from the narcissist?
A little while ago I was remembering what I could back in early 1970s and the world was young and sane. I was looking for the point at which that sane, virtue-values filled trusted society became this level of Hell where years long genocide on television moves few, unlike napalm girl picture from Vietnam that made nearly entire world Stand and protest.
I decided what the Key-Log was, when our world tipped over the edge and down towards unTruth, inJustice, disOredering, Chaos, dishonor, .. in toward Hell.
I use two arguments that fortify each other. First, I build upon Sait Thomas Aquinas' damage from sin, and then I argue using a modern psychological method.
It so happens that both arguments also in an antiabortion argument that does not need an unborn at risk - it is the fact that it is legal that does the harm. If you know anyone that might be interested in this, please share with them. I want corrective action ASAP before another generation is broken.
Ever wonder Why this world is so insane, and most of us are so Sick?
Hey Nathalie, I recently came across a great documentary about a British romance scammer. These people are brilliant at manipulating their victims and they leave a trail of havoc in their wake.
The programme goes into some detail about the exact methods of manipulation he used. His victims failed to defend themselves against his tactics. Here’s the link, for your interest:
From what I saw in the link I sent you, the scammer's plan has three basic elements.
1. Establish a plausible identity. Very important, and the foundation of everything that comes later.
2. Slowly establish trust. Slow being the operative word here, because rushing the process will meet with resistance. They gradually reel in their fish.
3. Once trust is fully established, exploit the victim. Rinse and repeat. There’s an emotionial sunk cost operating at this point, so the victim’s defences are down.
It's hard for ordinary people to defend themselves though. One example from the documentary — this scammer gets engaged to a girl. One day she goes out to look for a wedding dress. She must have been feeling on top of the world.
While she's out, he steals all the possessions from her place in order to sell them. When she returns, he coolly tells her that her place was burgled. The poor girl!
That's just nuts. So cold and callous. No ordinary person would ever think up a scheme like that, so it's impossible to anticipate. People like that are a kind of alien species living amongst us.
Yes - he pulled the typical grooming strategies to put someone under his ‘spell’. Once spellbound, you can’t see it and won’t believe it even after all her possessions are gone. It’s horrendous betrayal but easy to spot and stop, if you know the 3 grooming methods that quickly build trust.
Main strategy? Don’t need anyone to make you feel special. In fact, feeling special should be treated with suspicion.
This world is filled with the entire spectrum of good and evil, which is why we need discernment to spot the difference!
“Don’t need anyone to make you feel special. In fact, feeling special should be treated with suspicion.”
But feeling special is the foundation of all romance. So it’s not so easy to tell the difference. To use an analogy, crudely-forged banknotes are easy to spot, but expert ones can’t be identified by the general public. They need to be carefully examined by bank professionals. So forgeries continue to circulate, at least for a while. Same with these romance scammers.
What I have never gotten is how the Trump infrastructure knows these psychological concepts and can execute them on a very large scale (with him as the empty talking head)- and even the press cannot observe or report on this. Our society I've noticed, since the time of OJ, seems not to be able to see bad psychology-personality stuff right in front of their face. Though for me personally curiosity, discernment, analysis, learning are my favorite things, and I do them every day, but contributes to my extreme sadness and anger about all of this (population reaction to Covid similarly). Almost like when we needed the skills the most, the population became oppositionally the most self-destructive.
Excellent ! I keep being (re)amazed at how much overly-asserted error-filled noise is on forums (self-amplified) and I've had to cut way back on reading, to preserve my sanity - don't know where curiosity, discernment, thinking has gone - oh yea, I guess it was never there, at least in those people ... 🤓
This really cut through the noise. The way you broke down anticipatory guilt and how it works alongside shame hit hard. That pattern of overriding what we know is off just to avoid rocking the boat—it’s so familiar it’s scary.
Discernment doesn’t get enough attention because it isn’t flashy. But reading this reminded me how much courage it actually takes to pause, question, and not immediately fold back into the comfort of what we’re told to believe.
Thanks for laying it out so clearly without falling into performance. This was solid.
Step 8: you create solutions and try to awaken and save others only to learn that others will blame and punish you for disturbing their illusion.
Step 9: you withdraw and isolate, depressed at the state of the world and and the unlikelihood of meaningful change.
That's me 😂 8 & 9
This is nothing short of consciousness raising, and brings to mind a felt sense of the primal challenges and threat experienced when owning one's own emerging discernment. Another intelligent and profound post, Nathalie, thanks.
Thank you Susan for your point about the impact of owning one's discernment. A finely honed bs meter can unintentionally invite strong backlash. And thank you for reading it!
Absolutely love the concept of anticipatory guilt
Thanks Todd!
Excellent article 🤓
(judgement)
"Of all the intellectual faculties, judgment is the last to mature."
-- Schopenhauer
Thanks for linking Nathalie! These are great points about a discipline that has been (amost) lost. Yes curiosity about the uncomfortable messages our gut is sending to us is a capacity that we have to develop and practice. And even its benefits have become almost taboo. In mentalization based treatment for BPD, we talk explicitly about developing this curious stance and tolerence of uncertainty. But we’re missing it in our culture as well.
Narcissistic people often suggest that they’re more discerning than those in their charge.
What differentiates a narcissistic annexation of discernment as an acceptable behavior versus the use of discernment to protect ourselves from the narcissist?
Dear Nathalie,
A little while ago I was remembering what I could back in early 1970s and the world was young and sane. I was looking for the point at which that sane, virtue-values filled trusted society became this level of Hell where years long genocide on television moves few, unlike napalm girl picture from Vietnam that made nearly entire world Stand and protest.
I decided what the Key-Log was, when our world tipped over the edge and down towards unTruth, inJustice, disOredering, Chaos, dishonor, .. in toward Hell.
I use two arguments that fortify each other. First, I build upon Sait Thomas Aquinas' damage from sin, and then I argue using a modern psychological method.
It so happens that both arguments also in an antiabortion argument that does not need an unborn at risk - it is the fact that it is legal that does the harm. If you know anyone that might be interested in this, please share with them. I want corrective action ASAP before another generation is broken.
Ever wonder Why this world is so insane, and most of us are so Sick?
AI generated audio overview of article;
https://notebooklm.google.com/notebook/dcc1110c-6fdc-4966-a0a6-10948155a59c/audio
"Multiverse Journal - Index Number 2220:, 9th July 2025, A Letter to Traditional Catholic Bishops, Calling for Champions."
https://stevenwork.substack.com/p/multiverse-journal-index-number-2220
God Bless., Steve
Hey Nathalie, I recently came across a great documentary about a British romance scammer. These people are brilliant at manipulating their victims and they leave a trail of havoc in their wake.
The programme goes into some detail about the exact methods of manipulation he used. His victims failed to defend themselves against his tactics. Here’s the link, for your interest:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=UuEzJQhe24Y&pp=0gcJCcwJAYcqIYzv
Thanks John the Lotus. The Tinder Swindler came out on Netflix a few years ago covering something similar. I wrote about it here:
https://www.hackingnarcissism.com/p/fooledtotrust
Thanks, I'll have a look at that link.
From what I saw in the link I sent you, the scammer's plan has three basic elements.
1. Establish a plausible identity. Very important, and the foundation of everything that comes later.
2. Slowly establish trust. Slow being the operative word here, because rushing the process will meet with resistance. They gradually reel in their fish.
3. Once trust is fully established, exploit the victim. Rinse and repeat. There’s an emotionial sunk cost operating at this point, so the victim’s defences are down.
It's hard for ordinary people to defend themselves though. One example from the documentary — this scammer gets engaged to a girl. One day she goes out to look for a wedding dress. She must have been feeling on top of the world.
While she's out, he steals all the possessions from her place in order to sell them. When she returns, he coolly tells her that her place was burgled. The poor girl!
That's just nuts. So cold and callous. No ordinary person would ever think up a scheme like that, so it's impossible to anticipate. People like that are a kind of alien species living amongst us.
Yes - he pulled the typical grooming strategies to put someone under his ‘spell’. Once spellbound, you can’t see it and won’t believe it even after all her possessions are gone. It’s horrendous betrayal but easy to spot and stop, if you know the 3 grooming methods that quickly build trust.
Main strategy? Don’t need anyone to make you feel special. In fact, feeling special should be treated with suspicion.
This world is filled with the entire spectrum of good and evil, which is why we need discernment to spot the difference!
“Don’t need anyone to make you feel special. In fact, feeling special should be treated with suspicion.”
But feeling special is the foundation of all romance. So it’s not so easy to tell the difference. To use an analogy, crudely-forged banknotes are easy to spot, but expert ones can’t be identified by the general public. They need to be carefully examined by bank professionals. So forgeries continue to circulate, at least for a while. Same with these romance scammers.
What I have never gotten is how the Trump infrastructure knows these psychological concepts and can execute them on a very large scale (with him as the empty talking head)- and even the press cannot observe or report on this. Our society I've noticed, since the time of OJ, seems not to be able to see bad psychology-personality stuff right in front of their face. Though for me personally curiosity, discernment, analysis, learning are my favorite things, and I do them every day, but contributes to my extreme sadness and anger about all of this (population reaction to Covid similarly). Almost like when we needed the skills the most, the population became oppositionally the most self-destructive.
Excellent ! I keep being (re)amazed at how much overly-asserted error-filled noise is on forums (self-amplified) and I've had to cut way back on reading, to preserve my sanity - don't know where curiosity, discernment, thinking has gone - oh yea, I guess it was never there, at least in those people ... 🤓