Oh my goodness. I went cold reading this. This happened to me TWICE. I work with doctors in the UK. When one dr leader treated me like this, I saw what was happening and tried to manage the relationship as I loved the job. I rode out the first cycle of disgrace and we seemed to be on a more even footing but I never fully trusted her. When the second cycle came, I identified it immediately and called it out, withdrew. She was no longer officially in charge by then.
Her replacement had been grooming me for a year, whilst waiting to take over. They both held lead roles in a project that needed me but they took the chair and I was happy to contribute even though I didn't get the recognition, glory and awards they got from our work.
When the replacement took over he dropped me like a hot potato. Having spent a year promising me things would be so different, using the recognition of the narcissism to win my trust, croticising the way she and another lead had treated me, he then employed full on disgrace tactics. Unpleasant phone calls after dark, changing plans without telling me, criticising my work in private but supporting it in public and piloting a new venture i had created without me.
I left. He tried to talk me round - privately, and publicly blamed the organisation we worked for. I tried to tell him it was his treatment of me that led to my resignation but he was deaf to anything I said.
To this day people think I left because of the organisation.
He had started to groom a far less experienced or qualified replacement. The wider team are mystified at the cluelessness of the replacement. The product suffers but his standing remains. I guess that's all that matters to him.
Interestingly I hear his health has been poor -, I wonder if his conscience somehow knows.
Knowing this is a phenomenon and that it happens to others helps enormously. At one point I got physically ill and thought I was going mad.
It was only by working with a team on the same job in another country, who are supportive respectful, hard working, egalitarian and a total joy, that I realised just how horrifically damaging and damaged these UK drs are. The environment here has reduced them to desperate children. How sad is that?
Oh Hayley! What a story and thank you for revealing what had happened to you here. I wish more people in medicine and academia read your words so they can know they're not alone and these experiences are frequent. I'm so relieved that you were exposed to what a supportive culture looks and feels like so you can develop the discernment needed to exit that dynamic and prevent future ones. Big hugs to you H x
Thank you Nathalie. I want to get this message out there. If I can prevent one person from going through what I went through, it would be worth it. Your work gives me the best resources to do that! Thank you.
This is exactly what happened to me.. I gave my CEO a comprehensive team based care plan that would have taken our center forward to a high-quality, high-functioning center. The plan was financially lucrative as well. Staff morale was high as they were excited about this project. The care given previously to this marginalized population was subpar at best and people were harmed. The staff was thrilled to see this change coming. My boss began to slowly tear down my plan, piece by piece, until it was destroyed. I asked for her reasoning and the alternate plan. There is none.
I was asked to leave yesterday after reporting to the board of directors. Escorted out by security.
This is sadly, not unbelievable. I'm sorry you've been scapegoated and forced to leave when you had a roadmap to success. When the institutional darling feels threatened and creates a story of a villain derailing their vision, the institution makes decisions to ensure status quo prevails. I hope you're able to see that your work was valued by people who would benefit from it and devalued by those who represented and maintained the problems.
I also hope that you're well supported during this transitional period of reflection, recovery, healing, restoring justice for yourself, closure, possibilities for the future and glimpses into new opportunities for your vision and energy.
Chills. I too went cold. I’d like to say it’s only happened twice but for me it was a dastardly pattern as well. It took me years and years to work it out. Nathalie nails it yet again !
So sorry you had to endure it too Alison, but grateful for your comment. It took me years too....hence why I think its vital we bring it into the light so other people can recognise it sooner. I hope you are fully recovered now.
Thank you Alison! Unfortunately, going through these events don't inoculate against going through them again. I'm hopeful those who read this and other pieces can use the info for prevention and early intervention. No more narcissism for you!
Oh my goodness. I went cold reading this. This happened to me TWICE. I work with doctors in the UK. When one dr leader treated me like this, I saw what was happening and tried to manage the relationship as I loved the job. I rode out the first cycle of disgrace and we seemed to be on a more even footing but I never fully trusted her. When the second cycle came, I identified it immediately and called it out, withdrew. She was no longer officially in charge by then.
Her replacement had been grooming me for a year, whilst waiting to take over. They both held lead roles in a project that needed me but they took the chair and I was happy to contribute even though I didn't get the recognition, glory and awards they got from our work.
When the replacement took over he dropped me like a hot potato. Having spent a year promising me things would be so different, using the recognition of the narcissism to win my trust, croticising the way she and another lead had treated me, he then employed full on disgrace tactics. Unpleasant phone calls after dark, changing plans without telling me, criticising my work in private but supporting it in public and piloting a new venture i had created without me.
I left. He tried to talk me round - privately, and publicly blamed the organisation we worked for. I tried to tell him it was his treatment of me that led to my resignation but he was deaf to anything I said.
To this day people think I left because of the organisation.
He had started to groom a far less experienced or qualified replacement. The wider team are mystified at the cluelessness of the replacement. The product suffers but his standing remains. I guess that's all that matters to him.
Interestingly I hear his health has been poor -, I wonder if his conscience somehow knows.
Knowing this is a phenomenon and that it happens to others helps enormously. At one point I got physically ill and thought I was going mad.
It was only by working with a team on the same job in another country, who are supportive respectful, hard working, egalitarian and a total joy, that I realised just how horrifically damaging and damaged these UK drs are. The environment here has reduced them to desperate children. How sad is that?
Oh Hayley! What a story and thank you for revealing what had happened to you here. I wish more people in medicine and academia read your words so they can know they're not alone and these experiences are frequent. I'm so relieved that you were exposed to what a supportive culture looks and feels like so you can develop the discernment needed to exit that dynamic and prevent future ones. Big hugs to you H x
Thank you Nathalie. I want to get this message out there. If I can prevent one person from going through what I went through, it would be worth it. Your work gives me the best resources to do that! Thank you.
This is exactly what happened to me.. I gave my CEO a comprehensive team based care plan that would have taken our center forward to a high-quality, high-functioning center. The plan was financially lucrative as well. Staff morale was high as they were excited about this project. The care given previously to this marginalized population was subpar at best and people were harmed. The staff was thrilled to see this change coming. My boss began to slowly tear down my plan, piece by piece, until it was destroyed. I asked for her reasoning and the alternate plan. There is none.
I was asked to leave yesterday after reporting to the board of directors. Escorted out by security.
This is sadly, not unbelievable. I'm sorry you've been scapegoated and forced to leave when you had a roadmap to success. When the institutional darling feels threatened and creates a story of a villain derailing their vision, the institution makes decisions to ensure status quo prevails. I hope you're able to see that your work was valued by people who would benefit from it and devalued by those who represented and maintained the problems.
I also hope that you're well supported during this transitional period of reflection, recovery, healing, restoring justice for yourself, closure, possibilities for the future and glimpses into new opportunities for your vision and energy.
Chills. I too went cold. I’d like to say it’s only happened twice but for me it was a dastardly pattern as well. It took me years and years to work it out. Nathalie nails it yet again !
So sorry you had to endure it too Alison, but grateful for your comment. It took me years too....hence why I think its vital we bring it into the light so other people can recognise it sooner. I hope you are fully recovered now.
Thank you Alison! Unfortunately, going through these events don't inoculate against going through them again. I'm hopeful those who read this and other pieces can use the info for prevention and early intervention. No more narcissism for you!