What teenage boys are trying to tell us (and why we need to listen)

In a world that’s fighting hard for equality, boys are quietly slipping through the cracks. Let’s stop talking about them and start

In the past few years, I have been writing about female on female aggression and this has evolved into critiques of modern feminism as a cult and covert narcissistic ideology that justifies and enforces dominance through interpersonal victimhood, and uplifts no one. I’ve exposed the toxic feminine-coded communication tactics known as soft control that hides behind moral superiority and claims of inclusion.

My good friend Lisa wrote this piece after a recent conversation with her teenage son during Men’s Health Week. Their exchange highlighted a concerning trend that deserves more attention. She gave me permission to repost her article here.

One of the most damaging consequences of this toxic, feminised, dare I say, Cluster B culture is what it’s doing to boys. In the rush to smash the patriarchy, we’ve smashed their psyches. Boys are disengaging from school, relationships, and social life under the weight of constant suspicion and pressure to feminise themselves in order to appease the self-appointed queen bees of inclusive culture. What’s sold as empowerment has become a demand for compliance, and there’s nothing inclusive about it.

If we don’t start advocating for the healthy development and support of boys, we will continue raising angry, disconnected, and isolated men. They’ve been ignored, blamed, and psychologically sidelined for years. Pain will always need an outlet. Let’s help them have healthy ones by giving them space to express their masculinity.

Female empowerment is important, but it should never come at the expense of male empowerment, regardless of how much power you believe men already have. Doing the dominance-superiority dance is just the same tired interpersonal control playbook. Changing who holds the power doesn’t change the pattern.

Please share her article with the mothers, fathers, and sons you know.

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This morning my son told me,

“We have a footy game planned at lunchtime next week to raise awareness for Men’s Health Week, but now we’ve got to share the time with a girls’ match because they think it’s unfair.”

He was frustrated. Not because he doesn’t care about girls or support their inclusion, but because he feels like boys can’t do something for themselves without it being seen as unfair or exclusionary.

The footy match isn’t about excluding anyone. It‘s about doing something good for the boys, for their health, connection, and pride. They feel sidelined, when it was their idea to have the match. I was being told that the boys keep feeling like “the school always seem to appease the girls, yet they felt like they had no choice but to give up space just to keep the peace.”

This example isn’t a one-off.

Boys are retreating into “boys clubs” and we should ask why

They’re not hiding from connection, they’re hiding from judgment. From my understanding boys aren’t against mixed spaces or big conversations, they just feel like they’re continuously walking into a warning.

Conversations about consent, equality, and respectful relationships are important, of course they are, but the way they’re framed often leaves boys feeling like they’re already in trouble, just for being boys. Instead of being invited into the conversation, they feel pre-judged, like they’re being told what not to do rather than being asked how they feel or what they need. So they pull back. They retreat to places where they don’t have to second-guess every word or wonder if their presence is problematic. Places where they can just be boys; unfiltered, untested, unapologetic.

It’s where they get to just be boys, where they can be loud and even awkward in their delivery, competitive with each other and protective of their mates when it matters.

It’s more visible with Alpha-type boys, because they’re often the ones forming loud, physical, sport-based, traditional “boys clubs,” but the desire for safe, boy dominant spaces isn’t limited to them.

They are all navigating a world that makes them feel like walking contradictions. They’re told to be strong, but not too dominant. To speak up, but only if they say the right thing. To show emotion, but not in a way that makes others uncomfortable or comes across as weak. They’re expected to be respectful, but sometimes that gets confused with being passive.

No matter what they do, it feels like someone will think it’s wrong. That constant push and pull leaves them unsure of how to show up. They describe it as exhausting, confusing, and frustrating.

I focused on girls and self-worth, until I had a son.

As a woman and a mother of a daughter, I naturally focused on girls and self-worth.

I’ve worked in the wellbeing space for decades. Back in the mid-90s, I studied human development and wrote a research paper on self-worth. It became clear to me that how we see ourselves sits at the heart of how we show up in the world.

Years later, I built my career around supporting women’s wellbeing, especially new mums, believing that when women develop a stronger sense of self, they raise children who are more grounded and confident, especially daughters.

That all made sense. Until I had a son.

And then I began to see something different playing out.

It’s not that boys don’t struggle with self-worth, they do. But what I see in my son, and in many of his peers, is something more slippery.

It’s not a lack of inner strength. It’s a growing uncertainty about how they’re supposed to be in the world.

They’re not confused about who they are deep down, they’re confused about how to act in a world that seems quick to judge.

One wrong word, one misread situation, one visible emotion and they feel like they’re “the problem.”

They’re navigating a world where the social rules have changed, and they feel like they are expected to just adapt, they are trying to figure it out, but without clear compassionate guidance, they’re often left either guessing, pushing back, or sometimes they just check out.

For some of them, it becomes too hard.

So they opt out, stop speaking up, hide behind humour, avoid showing vulnerability and some check out altogether and say, “Stuff it,” because it feels easier to disengage than to keep trying and get it wrong anyway.

That’s not a lack of resilience. It’s a sign that they’re struggling to locate themselves in a world that tells them everything about who they shouldn’t be, but not enough about who they can be.

We’ve done a brilliant job empowering girls and I support that. It needed to happen, and still needs to. It’s essential work but in the process, we’ve left many boys wondering where they’re still allowed to stand. And if we don’t pay attention to that, we’re going to keep losing them, not just from conversations, but from themselves.

And that disconnection is starting to cost lives.

Boys are silently breaking

Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australian males aged 15 to 24. Let that sink in. It’s not alcohol, not car accidents, not violence.

These boys aren’t weak. They’re just lost. Disconnected. Told to express themselves, then punished when they do it “wrong.” Constantly managing how they show up in the world just to avoid offending someone. Trying not to seem “too much”, too loud, too strong, too confident, too soft, too emotional.

And if they make a mistake, they’re lumped in as part of the “toxic masculinity” problem.

They get the message. Be less, be better, be safer, be silent.

What does this look like in real life?

It looks like boys walking a few paces back on the footpath so they don’t creep out the girl in front.

It looks like boys deciding not to ask a girl out because it might be seen as pressure.

It looks like boys avoiding relationships altogether, afraid that if their feelings change and they choose to step away, the situation could be reframed as harm or betrayal and that their exit might be weaponised in a way that questions their integrity or intentions.

It looks like boys zoning out in school discussions about respectful relationships because the tone suggests they’re already guilty of something.

It looks like boys defaulting to humour, sarcasm, or withdrawal because vulnerability doesn’t feel safe.

And sometimes, it looks like boys just giving up, on being understood, on being seen, on being included.

This isn’t a blame game. It’s a wake-up call.

When I’ve shared boys’ perspectives with other adults, especially some progressive mums, the response often pivots to female victimhood.
“Women have lived in fear for generations.”
“Girls are still not safe.”
“We’ve come too far to make it about the boys now.”

All of that is true.

What’s also true is that boys are struggling. Not just the quiet ones, but the popular ones too. Not just those who act out, but those who fade into the background.

Celebrating girls doesn’t mean boys need to shrink. We have to make room for both. We can uplift one without diminishing the other, true empowerment can be something that we all cultivate. Boys need to be seen, not judged before they’ve even spoken or shamed when they do. They need to know it’s okay to be themselves without having to constantly filter it for approval and we need to ensure they are genuinely included in conversations.

So what do boys need?

We can’t fix this by swinging the pendulum back. We fix it by widening the conversation. By choosing connection over correction. By listening when boys speak rather than rushing to explain why they shouldn’t feel the way they do.

We need to model to boys that strength doesn’t mean silence, that real masculinity can include care, confusion, and courage and all in the same breath.

We also need to stop punishing boys socially for simply being themselves, for being physical, for being competitive, for wanting to hang with other boys, for having a drive to protect, to win, to lead.

Those traits aren’t toxic, masculinity isn’t toxic. It’s the pain that builds up when boys don’t feel safe to speak and the emotions they keep bottled up and the feeling of disconnection that can be toxic.

It’s Men’s Health Week and my invitation is that we not just talk about boys but we listen to them.

It’s about finding balance as we move forward. It’s about creating space for girls and women to thrive, while not forgetting that boys need to thrive too.

This Men’s Health Week, let’s do more than raise awareness. Let’s take action. Let’s ask harder questions. Let’s hold space for the boys who are walking quietly behind, not because they’re dangerous, but because they’re trying so hard not to be.

Let’s make sure they know there’s a place for them in the world we’re building.

Let’s remember that boys don’t need to be fixed. They need to be seen.

They need permission to be who they are while growing into who they’re becoming. They need mentors who show them that masculinity isn’t broken.

Let’s talk to our boys, and more importantly, let’s make sure they know they’re allowed to talk back.

About Lisa Rochelle Entwisle:

I’m Lisa, a connection-driven coach, mediator, facilitator, and founder of Wellthy Living. I help people live, lead, and relate well, personally and professionally. I’m passionate about creating a more well and connected society, one real conversation at a time.

Thank you for reading and sharing her piece!

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I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.

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