17 Comments
Apr 3Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

I’m learning a lot from your writing. I see something valuable everyday. Thanks for doing what you do.

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Thank you for saying this Pallavi! This means a lot!

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Sep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Understanding the concept of "The Victim as Persecutor" has had a profoundly eye-opening impact on the last 10 years or so of my life. I guess I understood this concept on some surface level, but only recently did I sort of accept it as the truth.

It makes interacting with others a LOT less disappointing and irritating. Slowly but surely, I'm learning to give others the benefit of the doubt, to understand that they are victims.

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Sep 24, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Wait... what is this deck?! --- “privilege-oppression-exclusion deck”

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It's my made up deck though I found some good card examples in the Yugioh deck!

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Sep 24, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Cool!

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Sep 24, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Can you be the victim as the counter-puncher?

There are times where if I felt like a victim, I would go after that person and get up in their face.

It gets tougher as we get older and bullies learn how to exploit the system.

But there’s nothing worse than feeling helpless.

Does that make sense?

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This makes sense to me. I didn't go into what the victim can do to overcome the feeling of helplessness because I wanted to stay focused on the experience of victimhood. What comes next can be a variety of responses, one being the one you described. My take on getting in people's face is that I do it not to intimidate them back but to send the message 'you can't fuck with me the way you just tried'. This brings me back to 6th grade and beating up one of the bully's flying monkeys leading the charge on humiliating me to the rest of the class. She stopped and so did the bully after that.

tl;dr - I'm all for getting up in people's faces

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If at first you can’t succeed, cry, cry again…

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This is so very good.

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deletedMar 3Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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Thank you Reggie!

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RemovedSep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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Sep 20, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD

Higher purpose is always good. But it can allow complete bypass of processing victimhood also and while much good may be accomplished in a professional setting, an empty personal life is quickly over and you find it never belonged to you. Some victims give up a self. And some victims as persecutors will gladly claim lives and never register a problem. It’s truly twisted. It’s fascinating how trauma can fracture the ability to form a complete thought around these topics or express it. And fascinating how bullies train this response. This type of writing helps. Thank you so much.

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Thank you for your analysis Lee. The scenario you describe is so common in healthcare and is the reason why so many victims burn out. Saving a system that doesn't care about you is being victimized twice. In cults, devotees attach their own mission to that of the leader, losing themselves to the narcissistic leader.

I'm glad this piece was useful!

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RemovedSep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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I think we're using slightly different definitions of victimhood Tim. However, I'm enjoying your comments. I'm more of the ex-victim who can't be bothered to waste my energy drawing a sword on the asshole. They're more likely to fall on their own sword at some point or be wounded by someone else.

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RemovedSep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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I'm with you on this Tim. It relies on the ability of the person to see themselves as a warrior rather than powerless in their situation.

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RemovedSep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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I reference some of the societal cuckoo on sacred victims and their enablers.

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RemovedSep 19, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
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Are these your thoughts from reading the piece Tim? Tell me more!

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