The high cost of parental narcissism and the myth of child resilience

Reviewing Adam B. Coleman's new book: The Children We Left Behind

I had the privilege of reading an advance copy of Adam B. Coleman’s soon-to-be-released book The Children We Left Behind: How Western Culture Rationalizes Family Separation and Ignores the Pain of Child Neglect, which I had the honor of reviewing. Coleman delivers a raw and necessary critique of the cultural narratives that excuse parental neglect.

Here’s what stood out to me.

Adam B. Coleman rips the cover off one of Western culture’s worst kept secrets: that parental comfort takes priority over a child’s wellbeing. Society justifies this under the myth of child resilience, pretending that kids can withstand anything so long as the adults feel fulfilled. The Children We Left Behind exposes the real cost of how fatherlessness, selfish parenting, and systemic neglect shape vulnerable children into emotionally starved, spiritually empty, resentful adults. These wounded children do not outgrow their childhood experiences or simply disappear. They grow into the very people society fears: addicts, criminals, rage-fuelled drifters, and broken souls who believe they were never worth loving.

Coleman writes about fatherlessness because he lived it. His childhood, marked by confusion, self-doubt, and a relentless need to prove his worth, mirrors the silent struggle of millions who grow up feeling like an afterthought. He makes it clear that when fathers walk away, whether through outright neglect or passive disengagement, they abandon more than just their physical presence. They leave their children vulnerable to poverty, crime, addiction, and mental health crises. Even worse, they rob them of the emotional scaffolding needed to develop resilience, self-worth, and the ability to form healthy relationships.

But fatherlessness does not occur in a vacuum. Mothers play a role too. Western culture romanticizes single motherhood, treating it as a badge of honour and strength while ignoring the harsh realities for children. Some mothers contribute to the cycle of dysfunction by prioritising their happiness over their child’s stability. Many parents give up far too easily, excusing themselves from the hard work of parenting because it is inconvenient, uncomfortable, or too emotionally taxing. Instead of putting in the effort to repair broken relationships, model emotional resilience, or provide stability, they abandon their children in different ways. Some physically walk away, others withdraw emotionally or psychologically, but all tell themselves the same lie that the kids will be fine.

This book is a timely demand for accountability. In an age where feelings and comfort override duty and self-restraint, Coleman forces us to confront what we would rather ignore. The cultural embrace of parental self-interest over responsibility is a form of narcissism that leaves children as collateral damage. He dismantles the narratives that excuse absentee fathers and exposes how Western society enables this epidemic under the guise of personal freedom. What is refreshing about this book is that he offers a path forward. Through accountability, repentance, and a demand that adults grow up and stop making excuses, The Children We Left Behind gives us the tools to break the cycle of dysfunction and put children at the centre of their ecology.

Coleman also challenges the deceptive mantra that parents can have it all: pursue every desire, prioritise personal fulfilment, and still raise healthy children. The child always pays the price for this illusion. They do not need a parent chasing endless validation or personal reinvention. They need love, healthy limits, and a stable foundation. This book is uncomfortable but a necessary reality check with helpful guidance. If we want to fix our broken society, we need to start here.

You can help get these messages out by pre-ordering Adam’s book through his website or from Amazon.

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I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.

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