How to tell when your days are numbered at work
Know when to leave before you're forced out
I was having a chat with a dear friend about the changes we’re experiencing in our respective workplaces. Her story reminded me that I have written in the past about toxic workplaces, bullying, and what to expect after you leave but not about the more subtle cues that a role or team is no longer suitable for you.
Often, employees only become aware of workplace dysfunction once they’ve been targeted by their boss.
Unfortunately, many workers, especially those who are highly competent and conscientious, fail to recognise the early signs that they’re no longer wanted or needed. They’re focused on doing their job well, not on the subtle cues that their situation may be changing.
Here are some key indicators that you might be progressively pushed out, even if your boss’s words suggest otherwise:
A new boss joins your team. When a new manager arrives, it’s natural to want to make a good impression, and they will likely focus on aligning the team with their own vision. Even if you’ve been performing well, the new manager may have ideas about who should be on the team to fulfil their agenda and help advance their own career. While they might sound friendly and supportive, they rarely offer specific details about how they plan to help or support you. However, they won’t provide details on how they plan to support you (even if you ask). If you're just relieved to have someone friendly in charge, you might not think to press for further clarity.
You pick up extra responsibilities, but go unacknowledged. As your new manager transitions into the role, you may find yourself stepping up, taking on extra work, and going beyond your regular responsibilities without being explicitly asked. You’re a team player after all, and want to make a good impression while facilitating their smooth transition. But when it comes time for your performance review, you might find that your efforts go unacknowledged. If you bring it up, your manager may act surprised or claim they don’t understand your role well enough to recognise your extra work because, in reality, they had other plans all along. Plans that don’t involve you.
They start recruiting new staff. Once your manager has started getting a feel for things, they start to put their plan into action by initiating the process of hiring new staff. You might be consulted about your tasks or what changes are needed, but it’s just a formality. Your manager has already decided what the team needs to look like and who should be part of it, and you are not in their vision. A key indicator that you're being sidelined is when you’re excluded from the interview process for new hires. After all, if you’re not going to be around much longer, why would they ask for your input? By keeping you out of the process, they can select the candidate who best fits their future plans for the team, rather than someone who would integrate with the existing culture.
The new hire becomes the manager’s Golden Child. The new hire will often take on a special status within the team by becoming the manager’s right-hand person, regardless of whether they’re a strong team player or not. This person will be given more opportunities, more frequent 1:1 interactions with the boss, and more room to grow within the company, even if they’re technically at the same level as you. The new hire quickly becomes the Chosen One someone who not only has more of the manager’s attention but also understands exactly where they stand in the hierarchy. Meanwhile, you’re left in the shadows. The new hire will ensure you know exactly who is in charge now.
You’re excluded from key meetings. You will start to notice that you’re being excluded from important meetings, particularly those that involve your new coworker. When you ask about these meetings, you’ll be told that they aren’t relevant to your work or are of no significant impact to your role. The explanations will be vague at best, and outright deceptive at worst. This is a clear sign that your role is being minimised in favour of the new team dynamic they’re building.
Post publication addition for Executives from
The CEO and/or head of business development suddenly blocks you from selling new business and negotiating any deals on behalf of the company, restricting access to gaining leverage over the business. This is the point at which to plan your exit with whatever leverage you have so that you can extract severance, if you’re in the position to do so.
Your role isn’t acknowledged for growth or compensation. As you’ve grown in your role and gained more experience, you might feel that an updated position description and a corresponding salary increase are overdue. When you bring this up, your manager claims there are no resources available for this kind of adjustment. Then you’ll hear that they’re recruiting someone new whose responsibilities overlap with yours. What's more, this new hire will be paid a significantly higher salary than you are.
You’re left out of the recruitment process. The recruitment and interviews begin, but you’re never informed of interview dates, nor are you given access to the applications. Your coworker is placed on the interview panel. You start to wonder if the manager is simply clueless, or if they’re hoping you’ll leave because they never chose you. It seems they prefer to build a team of groomed, loyal, and shiny new hires they can mould to their liking.
The manager avoids direct confrontation. You will start to wonder whether your manager is simply oblivious to your value, or if they’re deliberately pushing you out. The latter is often the case. They might be hoping you’ll leave on your own because they’ve already decided that you don’t fit their vision. They might prefer to surround themselves with employees who fit their preferred culture and who will follow their lead. You might be seen as too assertive or too independent, qualities that don’t align with the manager’s ideal team. Since they can’t fire you outright, they will give some of your tasks to the others (while you’re still doing them) to gradually make your role redundant.
It’s time to go. When you’re at the point where you feel undervalued, unacknowledged, and unappreciated, it’s time to leave. The longer you drag your departure out, the more humiliation you will experience. No job is worth demoralisation. Even if the signs were there all along, you won’t see it coming when it happens. It’s better to recognise the situation for what it is and leave on your own terms, before you’re worn down by the ongoing frustration.
Leave and don’t look back. You might feel the urge to keep your manager and coworkers informed about your plans to leave — don’t. Keep your intentions to yourself until you’ve settled on your departure date, or until you need support to transition to another department. If your manager was hoping you’d leave, they may be more than willing to assist with your exit.
Don’t ignore these subtle cues by giving them the benefit of the doubt. Doubt is there for a reason—it alerts you to an incongruence between what the manager has been telling you and your actual experience. It might also mean taking a few days off from the work environment to give yourself space to assess the situation objectively. These small incidents and subtle cues gradually build a bigger picture of what's really going on and what's at stake for you.
We can all become comfortable in our roles and the status quo. Eventually, you’ll either experience a push from within to move on to something else, or a change will occur that pushes you toward more visibility and leadership. Some jobs have an expiry date that arrives long before your contract is up — you won’t recognise it until you spot the signs.
Notice the signs and follow them to the nearest exit.
Nathalie
You can book a 1:1 session if you’re currently experiencing this at work but feel unsure whether it’s all in your head or actually what’s going on. Having someone outside your workplace setting who can help you think out loud and make sense of your situation can give you clarity about your next steps.
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Uncanny how you capture the stages. It is strangely reassuring to discover that the experience that made you feel isolated, alone, and a bit nuts is actually very common and so predictable as to be virtually archetypal. I’m writing a book about this with memoir as the spine. Thank you for your extremely valuable work.
I wish I had access to this guidance years ago when I was navigating a toxic workplace and the need to exit--but lacked this kind of organizing framework to make sense of it. Tysm for this!