I've read, and re-read this piece several times, looking for some, any, empathy for this dude. Sure, there is nothing much in there to be empathic about. Even I (with my limited intellect) understand that the desire, or even the ability to be intimate postnatal (for the mother) is near impossible. And the whole tweet reeks of privilege a…
I've read, and re-read this piece several times, looking for some, any, empathy for this dude. Sure, there is nothing much in there to be empathic about. Even I (with my limited intellect) understand that the desire, or even the ability to be intimate postnatal (for the mother) is near impossible. And the whole tweet reeks of privilege and self-absortion, making it a gift-wrapped excuse to pathologize and diagnose the author’s relationship with his mother, his evident narcissism, his emotional immaturity and his co-dependency. Well done.
But is there an alternative to the diagnostic pathologizing? Could we meet this troubled young man differently?
Let me try a different tack, much the same way my father, and an older uncle, coached me through my first case of patrescence. (It wasn't their first coaching session with me, though.) It would go something like this:
"Yes, Scott, it is hard. Now YOUR role is as the protector and provider. Be grateful to your wife for she has put herself through for you and for your child. Let’s step out for a few shots of whiskey and a cigar while you bitch and moan about your hardship for a couple of hours get it out of your system."
These men set the task for me, giving me something to aspire to, and a deeper understanding of my new role. A role they had modeled my whole life.
Maybe Scott wasn't turning to X for validation? Maybe it was a "cry for help" in a world void of fathers? Who sat Scott down when he learned his wife was pregnant and explained what the next year, year and half would look and feel like, what demands he would have to meet, what “sacrifices” he would have to make?
(That said, I don’t think it is too big of an ask for an “atta boy” and an acknowledgement from his wife? I know I needed and got that from my wife, even though we wanted it and planned it together, and I was somewhat prepared, the total reality of it didn't hit me until we brought the baby home.)
I've read, and re-read this piece several times, looking for some, any, empathy for this dude. Sure, there is nothing much in there to be empathic about. Even I (with my limited intellect) understand that the desire, or even the ability to be intimate postnatal (for the mother) is near impossible. And the whole tweet reeks of privilege and self-absortion, making it a gift-wrapped excuse to pathologize and diagnose the author’s relationship with his mother, his evident narcissism, his emotional immaturity and his co-dependency. Well done.
But is there an alternative to the diagnostic pathologizing? Could we meet this troubled young man differently?
Let me try a different tack, much the same way my father, and an older uncle, coached me through my first case of patrescence. (It wasn't their first coaching session with me, though.) It would go something like this:
"Yes, Scott, it is hard. Now YOUR role is as the protector and provider. Be grateful to your wife for she has put herself through for you and for your child. Let’s step out for a few shots of whiskey and a cigar while you bitch and moan about your hardship for a couple of hours get it out of your system."
These men set the task for me, giving me something to aspire to, and a deeper understanding of my new role. A role they had modeled my whole life.
Maybe Scott wasn't turning to X for validation? Maybe it was a "cry for help" in a world void of fathers? Who sat Scott down when he learned his wife was pregnant and explained what the next year, year and half would look and feel like, what demands he would have to meet, what “sacrifices” he would have to make?
(That said, I don’t think it is too big of an ask for an “atta boy” and an acknowledgement from his wife? I know I needed and got that from my wife, even though we wanted it and planned it together, and I was somewhat prepared, the total reality of it didn't hit me until we brought the baby home.)