Thank you @Karl for this much appreciated pre-emptive support! The right side of justice depends on who’s judging oppression. Usually the wild reactions come immediately or at the 3 day mark after publishing. So far there’s been more support than not but I think we all know that it won’t last :)
Now I’ve read a big chunk of this and skimmed the rest. I listened to the recording about the drama triad. All of this is fascinating.
My plan is to use this piece as reference, coming back to reread parts of it, and to read more thoroughly the parts I’ve skimmed.
This all feels like confirmation of things I’ve felt for the last few years, but I don’t think it’s healthy for me to use this information to, in effect, say: see, I’ve been right about all this for years. This smart lady confirms what I’ve been saying.
I think the better way to think is this: narcissism is toxic. But there are good reasons not to suit up and performatively fight against it.
1. It just fuels the narcissist to have people attacking them. I’m never going to have their boundless energy for fighting back against even the slightest criticism, and I’m never going to prevail against their army of supporters they’ve spent years curating.
2. There’s the danger of slipping into a role in this drama triad cycle. I don’t want to be part of that.
3. It’s important to recall that narcissists begin from their own trauma. Most of the people I think of as narcissists in my life have a back story that I know enough about to see how they may have arrived at this approach to life. I feel for them, even though they bring unhealthy toxicity and misery into my life. I don’t want to work to “punish” them.
Applying all this to your SIW idea, my impressions are that this phenomenon isn’t going away, and confronting people online about this stuff isn’t going to help.
The wisest move is to identify the problem, and recognize it as basic human behavior that is perhaps more common than usual in our present moment for various societal reasons. Then the trick is to try to talk about it openly without just attacking individuals, and without falling into the trap of becoming a savior myself in one of those drama triads.
I do want to write about all this, but I think it’s wise for me to spend more time thinking first about what you’ve written. It’s simple, in a kind of mathematical sense. But emotionally it’s very complicated, meaning it involves going against my intuitive response-- which would be immediately publicly demonizing the people perpetuating this problem. That would be making a similar mistake to the one they make, it seems.
Thanks so much for writing all this! And please let me know if I’ve misinterpreted any of it.
Thank you for this incredibly thoughtful and hopeful response Karl. You've interpreted the essence of my piece accurately and I'm moved by your own compassion and regard for the struggle of others, even when their actions are problematic.
We don't solve a problem with the same problematic behaviours. We don't solve a crisis with a crisis. We solve problems when we stop seeing some things as problems and use a different tactic to bypass it.
You have also begun to describe an algorithm of hacking narcissism - to override instincts to fight when another person's behaviours doesn't pose an actual threat to your wellbeing. I see our ability to interrupt habits and exchange behavioural responses as logical, mathematical even, once you work out the pattern, understand the underlying conditions and behaviour predictors. I'm hopefully moving in that direction.
I wrote more about this when dealing with revenge/bullying - and how to exit the drama even when you're under attack. This is the essence of hacking narcissism and dismantling the hierarchy as you extract from the relationship/situation. It's another long piece yet links to some concepts described in this current piece.
Thanks very much for this, and I’ll check out the other piece too.
I’ll thank you in advance for reading this aside: I teach music, and the core of my teaching is to identify and deal with intuitive habits that stall improvement. Since I’ve started making this the focus of my teaching, my students are getting better results.
A friend of mine thinks my music teaching approach could be retooled into a workshop for professionals in other fields. I hope he’s right! We’re going to give it a try.
It’s nice to feel validated by your response, but more importantly, I’m going to steal your idea about the mathematical and logical nature of replacing “bad” habits with new healthy ones. I’ll need to remind myself about that sometimes, because these intuitive responses don’t really go away. It’s very hard not to reach for the intuitive response, and I tell my students it continues to be hard for me too!
Where were you when I was studying piano throughout my teens! I had so many internal barriers to practicing and improving technically - one of which was my first teacher's statement to my parents that I would "never be great at piano but I will enjoy it."
I see intuition as another intelligence that is not brain-centred. It's like the inner guide that we like to ignore. I know others use intuition as collected data from many lived experiences/experiments that create a habit. I define this type of intuition as 'instinct'. Overall, I think we're saying the same thing - habits/instinctive responses can be interrupted and replaced with more effective action toward one's goal. The work is discovering the behaviour pattern to know where to interrupt it. I'm sure you're onto it Karl and I would be among your cheerleaders to get your training out there because it can be adapted to behaviours in other contexts, that we all need!
A few years ago I left a humanitarian organization because my mental health was getting so bad.
In retrospect, it was clear that the leader(s) suffered from some expression of NPD.
You’ve captured the experience perfectly. And what’s most interesting is that while we had a strong social media and comms practice, most of what you have described here played out exactly as you’ve written, only for us in real spaces usually in war zones.
Somehow that made the behavior much more scalable (due to chaos, ambiguity, and lack of accountability) but also that much more damaging.
As soon as the founders were removed by the board due to complaints regarding their toxicity, they founded a nearly identical organization refusing to reflect or answer calls for accountability/reconciliation.
I’m confident that any aid we provided would have absolutely been provided by other means (even though we were all taught to think it was ALL up to us).
In some ways, the aid world is perfect for those with NPD because the righteous ends justify any means.
I am aware that many of these traits and narcissistic tendencies are woven deeply in to my unconscious at this point.
I’ve been finding that slowly deconstruction my own narcissism appears to be much more helpful to my community than railing against today’s perceived enemy.
I’ll also say that having grown up in a home with a parent suffering from NPD, I was so attracted to organizations with leaders like this until I started to get mental health help and understand the pattern.
I’ve found that to be true for many of us that chose military service/aid/Justice work.
Thank for working so hard on this, solidarity to all those deconstructing the effects of the SIWs in our lives.
Medicine also. I’m reading carefully and thinking back on my time in leadership positions. Also looking closely at toxic relationships. Growing up around toxic/ NPD makes balance hard to achieve.
Thank you Lee for stating this about medicine. The parallel you draw is spot on.
Medicine trains people in a self-sacrificing, perfectionist saviourism model through serial indoctrination/assimilation into an abusive culture. There's no coincidence that at least 400 physicians/trainees end their own lives every year in the US and the majority of the population show indicators of distress and trauma akin to those in narcissistic abusive relationships. The rest who make it to the top and stay there are beneficiaries of toxic hierarchical 'moral' behaviours and employ many narcissistic traits to remain in power, while continuing to gaslight the community with its propaganda about 'burnout', 'wellness' and 'resilience'.
I have a lot to say about medical culture and how its nobility is mired by unspoken/silenced harms, and publishing/published some peer-reviewed papers on the topic. It won't change anything but it does provide an alternative perspective that seems to resonate with many who have gone through it and been devalued for their incapacity to assimilate into a culture that uplifts those with high narcissistic traits. it's no wonder so many Drs become Social Injustice Warriors to push for change, because saviourism is the only model known to them.
Thank you Matt for retrospective analysis of being in humanitarian aid cult and the parallel you drew to your upbringing that familiarised and conditioned you to seek solace in NPD-like types. The deconstruction and uprooting internalized beliefs about help giving is difficult alone - you have the good fortune of being able to do this work in a community rather externalising in more justice-esque work.
The deconstruction and hacking narcissism efforts, in my opinion, is vital work for us to be truly helpful in our communities of practice and minimizes the risk of harming others.
Wow. Thank you for this. I have nothing of real value to add, except these:
1) There is no such thing as "social justice." There is justice, and there is injustice.
2) "I think we're raising whole generations who regard facts as more or less optional.
We have kids in elementary school who are being urged to take stands on political issues, to write letters to congressmen and presidents about nuclear energy. They're not a decade old, and they're being thrown these kinds of questions that can absorb the lifetime of a very brilliant and learned man. And they're being taught that it's important to have views, and they're not being taught that it's important to know what you're talking about. It's important to hear the opposite viewpoint, and more important to learn how to distinguish why viewpoint A and viewpoint B are different, and which one has the most evidence or logic behind it. They disregard that. They hear something, they hear some rhetoric, and they run with it.” ~ Thomas Sowell
Thank you for your comment Reverend Paul! I enjoyed reading your commentary about children being influenced to take a stand on political issues without having the cognitive capacity to grasp the complexity, while authority figures can oversimplify complexity to push their preferred narrative.
As for justice, I agree there is only justice and injustice but it does help to contextualise where the justice needs to take place ie restorative justice between two conflicting parties vs justice viewed through legal system and procedures. As in this piece, justice/injustice is viewed through each person's unique lens - one person's justice can be another's injustice. It's a mess!
I'd add that pretendians camouflage themselves as social (in)justice warriors in order to win the approval of white liberals/leftists. Pretendians can only be successful if they are believed and supported by white folks who perceive social justice pretendians as a combo of Bernie Sanders and Geronimo.
Great article. I think you correctly explain the psychological impulses that drive ideologues, and why they only make the situation worse.
This all, however, goes back further than your article suggests.
The triad of the Oppressor, Oppressed, and Savior goes back at least to Vladimir Lenin's "What is to be done?" in 1902. Karl Marx invented the concept of class-based Oppressor, and Oppressed, which he called the Bourgeoisie and the Proletariat.
Vladimir Lenin added the third group and called it the Vanguard. Social Justice Warriors just changed the demographic groups that fit into each category.
I am fascinated by the connection between political ideology and psychology, but I am coming from the other direction. I used to be a professor in Political Science, and it is amazing how little research there is on where ideologies come from.
I have been writing my thoughts on the subject in recent articles, which you might be interested in:
it doesn't "look a lot like narcissism" it IS narcissism (along with a smattering of psychopathy, histrionic and borderline types). These people had a failure to individuate from their primary caregiver in their formative years, live in a delusion where other beings are objects, and interact with the interject of others that they have manufactured in their minds. It is a delusional and mal-adjusted thought process, combined with a dis-regulated emotional response. These people are actually as dangerous as they are unwell.
Great piece Natalie. Without air a good narcissist will wither. This piece reminded me of what Ernest Becker was getting at in 'The Denial of Death' - that ultimate realisation of 'our' insignificance and the yearning for a cosmic specialness. That yearning, if packaged well, is now a very nice little earner for some. And with the world the way it is, there is always 'injustice' to be fought somewhere.
A 'good narcissist' is a hilarious oxymoron. We're all trying in some way to evade the emptiness of insignificance with the multitude of distractions and ambitions.
You said it well Niall - there's no shortage of manufactured and real injustice to fight or exploit fill that void. Thank you!
One of the more destructive and underrecognized Social Injustice Warriors are the pretendians—pretend Indians. These are non-Natives who use all of the tactics you describe here in order to personally and professionally benefit from their false identity. Here's a good Wikipedia entry on the phenomenon: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pretendian
Pretendians are an interesting group - actually lying or convincing themselves of First Nations heritage to gain access to academic positions. I haven't come across any publicised instances of Pretendians here in Australia. I wonder what the difference is between Australia and North America that has made it harder for Pretendians to infiltrate. I'm seeing that this is also a problem in New Zealand: https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/the-maori-in-me-the-concerning-rise-of-pretendians-in-indigenous-communities/4PCHPHYK5BAWTGF3F32LHA5P6Q/
Pretendians' entitlement and living out their fantasy self publicly is narcissism. Becoming a SIW is next level of needing the world to see what a good person they are.
May 23, 2023·edited May 23, 2023Liked by Nathalie Martinek PhD
I'm working on a look at this phenomenon in history right now! There have been many moments when this impulse rises to prominence in societies, usually after the "old order" has been severely undermined (like during the Reformation or the dissolution of the Roman empire, or in Eastern Europe after the demise of the Austro-Hungarian empire) and people feel empowered to make other people live out their vision of the world.
The bad news is those moments tend to leave a trail of bodies in their wake.
I instantly thought about Hitler's regime. He was the social injustice warrior-turned psychopath of that time who wanted to create his ideal world order with him on top to override his deep self-loathing for being abandoned/rejected by his own father. If only he went to therapy - many of my relatives would have lived.
Fascinating! Thank you for the clear and concise explanations on a layman's level. It would seem to me that the behavior of a SJW satisfies many of the basic human needs of belonging & purpose. With the difference being that the behavior is neurotic & fanatical.
Janice Fiamengo, a college professor; described it well. As a college student, she got heavily involved in the women's rights movement on campus. She talked about the exhilarated feeling of belonging to a group. Of having a virtuous cause that made her feel powerful. Along with the comfort and simplicity of black/white thinking. It wasn't until she realized that this movement eliminated any empathy for the "oppressors", did she leave the movement. All humans are susceptible to some degree to indoctrination. However, young people are most at risk due to their lack of life experiences. Life experiences (wisdom) can give us a strong sense of who we are and where our boundaries lie. Those who would lead or manipulate others into their cause exploit these feelings by using indoctrination. It happens every day on college campuses and in the world around us.
Thank you for reading! Young people are indeed susceptible to acting out their idealism to belong and feel powerful, especially while feeling lost or uncertain about their futures beyond the routine life of a uni student. When I wrote this piece, I was reflecting on myself as a 30-something adult looking to fill a void in my life, as well as what I witnessed among 30-50 something professionals or failed entrepreneurs.
Hi Dr. Martinek, I find this substack hugely fascinating and it is deeply appreciated. I'd love your thoughts on the origins of gaslighting, breadcrumbing and ghosting in friendships, particularly those with a longevity. Is the solution then, only to walk away and find your own people? Are these mechamisms related to the onset of wokeism and technology use?
Thanks for this elaborate article! I’m a therapy student and have ideas around starting a non profit. This knowledge is very helpful for me; although I don’t consider myself a narcissist at all, narcissistic behavior is a tendency that’s part of being human. As you mention in the article, self reflection is extremely important to avoid any behavior even in the vicinity of this tendency. And material like this teaches me to be vigilant, especially when I’m ready to start my practice and non profit. Vigilant towards my own behavior but also behavior of the future non profit at large and possible players that were initially well intended partners.
This totally sums up Orwell's Animal Farm! ✨ And it all needs to be said. I appreciate your disclaimer. I think this could be published in book form. -Love Lizzie
Sounds like social justice activists are Karen’s and Stans. Have you noticed a correlating link to extreme group like radical feminism, narcissisism and social justice aftivists?
The Social Injustice Warrior breaks down how this is a mix of communal and collective narcissism by inflating the importance of a cause and one's own role in saving others involved in the movement.
Wow thank you Lee! I really appreciate your support and enthusiasm for my work! I hope the book is useful and feel free to reach out with any questions about the content.
Thank you @Karl for this much appreciated pre-emptive support! The right side of justice depends on who’s judging oppression. Usually the wild reactions come immediately or at the 3 day mark after publishing. So far there’s been more support than not but I think we all know that it won’t last :)
Now I’ve read a big chunk of this and skimmed the rest. I listened to the recording about the drama triad. All of this is fascinating.
My plan is to use this piece as reference, coming back to reread parts of it, and to read more thoroughly the parts I’ve skimmed.
This all feels like confirmation of things I’ve felt for the last few years, but I don’t think it’s healthy for me to use this information to, in effect, say: see, I’ve been right about all this for years. This smart lady confirms what I’ve been saying.
I think the better way to think is this: narcissism is toxic. But there are good reasons not to suit up and performatively fight against it.
1. It just fuels the narcissist to have people attacking them. I’m never going to have their boundless energy for fighting back against even the slightest criticism, and I’m never going to prevail against their army of supporters they’ve spent years curating.
2. There’s the danger of slipping into a role in this drama triad cycle. I don’t want to be part of that.
3. It’s important to recall that narcissists begin from their own trauma. Most of the people I think of as narcissists in my life have a back story that I know enough about to see how they may have arrived at this approach to life. I feel for them, even though they bring unhealthy toxicity and misery into my life. I don’t want to work to “punish” them.
Applying all this to your SIW idea, my impressions are that this phenomenon isn’t going away, and confronting people online about this stuff isn’t going to help.
The wisest move is to identify the problem, and recognize it as basic human behavior that is perhaps more common than usual in our present moment for various societal reasons. Then the trick is to try to talk about it openly without just attacking individuals, and without falling into the trap of becoming a savior myself in one of those drama triads.
I do want to write about all this, but I think it’s wise for me to spend more time thinking first about what you’ve written. It’s simple, in a kind of mathematical sense. But emotionally it’s very complicated, meaning it involves going against my intuitive response-- which would be immediately publicly demonizing the people perpetuating this problem. That would be making a similar mistake to the one they make, it seems.
Thanks so much for writing all this! And please let me know if I’ve misinterpreted any of it.
Thank you for this incredibly thoughtful and hopeful response Karl. You've interpreted the essence of my piece accurately and I'm moved by your own compassion and regard for the struggle of others, even when their actions are problematic.
We don't solve a problem with the same problematic behaviours. We don't solve a crisis with a crisis. We solve problems when we stop seeing some things as problems and use a different tactic to bypass it.
You have also begun to describe an algorithm of hacking narcissism - to override instincts to fight when another person's behaviours doesn't pose an actual threat to your wellbeing. I see our ability to interrupt habits and exchange behavioural responses as logical, mathematical even, once you work out the pattern, understand the underlying conditions and behaviour predictors. I'm hopefully moving in that direction.
I wrote more about this when dealing with revenge/bullying - and how to exit the drama even when you're under attack. This is the essence of hacking narcissism and dismantling the hierarchy as you extract from the relationship/situation. It's another long piece yet links to some concepts described in this current piece.
It might help to gather your thoughts:
https://nathaliemartinekphd.substack.com/p/revenge
Thank you again Karl,
Nathalie
Thanks very much for this, and I’ll check out the other piece too.
I’ll thank you in advance for reading this aside: I teach music, and the core of my teaching is to identify and deal with intuitive habits that stall improvement. Since I’ve started making this the focus of my teaching, my students are getting better results.
A friend of mine thinks my music teaching approach could be retooled into a workshop for professionals in other fields. I hope he’s right! We’re going to give it a try.
It’s nice to feel validated by your response, but more importantly, I’m going to steal your idea about the mathematical and logical nature of replacing “bad” habits with new healthy ones. I’ll need to remind myself about that sometimes, because these intuitive responses don’t really go away. It’s very hard not to reach for the intuitive response, and I tell my students it continues to be hard for me too!
Where were you when I was studying piano throughout my teens! I had so many internal barriers to practicing and improving technically - one of which was my first teacher's statement to my parents that I would "never be great at piano but I will enjoy it."
I see intuition as another intelligence that is not brain-centred. It's like the inner guide that we like to ignore. I know others use intuition as collected data from many lived experiences/experiments that create a habit. I define this type of intuition as 'instinct'. Overall, I think we're saying the same thing - habits/instinctive responses can be interrupted and replaced with more effective action toward one's goal. The work is discovering the behaviour pattern to know where to interrupt it. I'm sure you're onto it Karl and I would be among your cheerleaders to get your training out there because it can be adapted to behaviours in other contexts, that we all need!
If I get some music teaching material online, I’ll keep you in the loop! Thanks, and I look forward to whatever you write next.
A few years ago I left a humanitarian organization because my mental health was getting so bad.
In retrospect, it was clear that the leader(s) suffered from some expression of NPD.
You’ve captured the experience perfectly. And what’s most interesting is that while we had a strong social media and comms practice, most of what you have described here played out exactly as you’ve written, only for us in real spaces usually in war zones.
Somehow that made the behavior much more scalable (due to chaos, ambiguity, and lack of accountability) but also that much more damaging.
As soon as the founders were removed by the board due to complaints regarding their toxicity, they founded a nearly identical organization refusing to reflect or answer calls for accountability/reconciliation.
I’m confident that any aid we provided would have absolutely been provided by other means (even though we were all taught to think it was ALL up to us).
In some ways, the aid world is perfect for those with NPD because the righteous ends justify any means.
I am aware that many of these traits and narcissistic tendencies are woven deeply in to my unconscious at this point.
I’ve been finding that slowly deconstruction my own narcissism appears to be much more helpful to my community than railing against today’s perceived enemy.
I’ll also say that having grown up in a home with a parent suffering from NPD, I was so attracted to organizations with leaders like this until I started to get mental health help and understand the pattern.
I’ve found that to be true for many of us that chose military service/aid/Justice work.
Thank for working so hard on this, solidarity to all those deconstructing the effects of the SIWs in our lives.
Medicine also. I’m reading carefully and thinking back on my time in leadership positions. Also looking closely at toxic relationships. Growing up around toxic/ NPD makes balance hard to achieve.
Thank you Lee for stating this about medicine. The parallel you draw is spot on.
Medicine trains people in a self-sacrificing, perfectionist saviourism model through serial indoctrination/assimilation into an abusive culture. There's no coincidence that at least 400 physicians/trainees end their own lives every year in the US and the majority of the population show indicators of distress and trauma akin to those in narcissistic abusive relationships. The rest who make it to the top and stay there are beneficiaries of toxic hierarchical 'moral' behaviours and employ many narcissistic traits to remain in power, while continuing to gaslight the community with its propaganda about 'burnout', 'wellness' and 'resilience'.
I have a lot to say about medical culture and how its nobility is mired by unspoken/silenced harms, and publishing/published some peer-reviewed papers on the topic. It won't change anything but it does provide an alternative perspective that seems to resonate with many who have gone through it and been devalued for their incapacity to assimilate into a culture that uplifts those with high narcissistic traits. it's no wonder so many Drs become Social Injustice Warriors to push for change, because saviourism is the only model known to them.
Nathalie
Thank you Matt for retrospective analysis of being in humanitarian aid cult and the parallel you drew to your upbringing that familiarised and conditioned you to seek solace in NPD-like types. The deconstruction and uprooting internalized beliefs about help giving is difficult alone - you have the good fortune of being able to do this work in a community rather externalising in more justice-esque work.
The deconstruction and hacking narcissism efforts, in my opinion, is vital work for us to be truly helpful in our communities of practice and minimizes the risk of harming others.
In solidarity with you too Matt,
Nathalie
Wow. Thank you for this. I have nothing of real value to add, except these:
1) There is no such thing as "social justice." There is justice, and there is injustice.
2) "I think we're raising whole generations who regard facts as more or less optional.
We have kids in elementary school who are being urged to take stands on political issues, to write letters to congressmen and presidents about nuclear energy. They're not a decade old, and they're being thrown these kinds of questions that can absorb the lifetime of a very brilliant and learned man. And they're being taught that it's important to have views, and they're not being taught that it's important to know what you're talking about. It's important to hear the opposite viewpoint, and more important to learn how to distinguish why viewpoint A and viewpoint B are different, and which one has the most evidence or logic behind it. They disregard that. They hear something, they hear some rhetoric, and they run with it.” ~ Thomas Sowell
Thank you for your comment Reverend Paul! I enjoyed reading your commentary about children being influenced to take a stand on political issues without having the cognitive capacity to grasp the complexity, while authority figures can oversimplify complexity to push their preferred narrative.
As for justice, I agree there is only justice and injustice but it does help to contextualise where the justice needs to take place ie restorative justice between two conflicting parties vs justice viewed through legal system and procedures. As in this piece, justice/injustice is viewed through each person's unique lens - one person's justice can be another's injustice. It's a mess!
I'd add that pretendians camouflage themselves as social (in)justice warriors in order to win the approval of white liberals/leftists. Pretendians can only be successful if they are believed and supported by white folks who perceive social justice pretendians as a combo of Bernie Sanders and Geronimo.
This is so true. A symbiotic relationship between White folks following an allyship script and Pretendians.
Great article. I think you correctly explain the psychological impulses that drive ideologues, and why they only make the situation worse.
This all, however, goes back further than your article suggests.
The triad of the Oppressor, Oppressed, and Savior goes back at least to Vladimir Lenin's "What is to be done?" in 1902. Karl Marx invented the concept of class-based Oppressor, and Oppressed, which he called the Bourgeoisie and the Proletariat.
Vladimir Lenin added the third group and called it the Vanguard. Social Justice Warriors just changed the demographic groups that fit into each category.
https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/p/understanding-diversity-equity-and
Thanks for the link and some history. I appreciate seeing more examples of karpmans triad throughout history.
No problem.
I am fascinated by the connection between political ideology and psychology, but I am coming from the other direction. I used to be a professor in Political Science, and it is amazing how little research there is on where ideologies come from.
I have been writing my thoughts on the subject in recent articles, which you might be interested in:
https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/p/where-does-ideology-come-from
https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/p/radical-ideologies-feast-on-mental
https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/p/is-material-progress-driving-us-crazy
https://frompovertytoprogress.substack.com/t/psychology
These are great Michael - will definitely check them out!
I subscribed as well, I am super curious!
it doesn't "look a lot like narcissism" it IS narcissism (along with a smattering of psychopathy, histrionic and borderline types). These people had a failure to individuate from their primary caregiver in their formative years, live in a delusion where other beings are objects, and interact with the interject of others that they have manufactured in their minds. It is a delusional and mal-adjusted thought process, combined with a dis-regulated emotional response. These people are actually as dangerous as they are unwell.
Yes!
Ah, yes. The wanna-be “Alpha Female.” The bane of intelligent women everywhere.
They are the real reason I didn’t have many genuine female friends until recently, now that I’m perimenopausal. They are awful.
Great piece Natalie. Without air a good narcissist will wither. This piece reminded me of what Ernest Becker was getting at in 'The Denial of Death' - that ultimate realisation of 'our' insignificance and the yearning for a cosmic specialness. That yearning, if packaged well, is now a very nice little earner for some. And with the world the way it is, there is always 'injustice' to be fought somewhere.
A 'good narcissist' is a hilarious oxymoron. We're all trying in some way to evade the emptiness of insignificance with the multitude of distractions and ambitions.
You said it well Niall - there's no shortage of manufactured and real injustice to fight or exploit fill that void. Thank you!
I just lourve a good hillarious oxymoron every now and then Nathalie :)
One of the more destructive and underrecognized Social Injustice Warriors are the pretendians—pretend Indians. These are non-Natives who use all of the tactics you describe here in order to personally and professionally benefit from their false identity. Here's a good Wikipedia entry on the phenomenon: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pretendian
Thank you for your comment Sherman!
Pretendians are an interesting group - actually lying or convincing themselves of First Nations heritage to gain access to academic positions. I haven't come across any publicised instances of Pretendians here in Australia. I wonder what the difference is between Australia and North America that has made it harder for Pretendians to infiltrate. I'm seeing that this is also a problem in New Zealand: https://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/the-maori-in-me-the-concerning-rise-of-pretendians-in-indigenous-communities/4PCHPHYK5BAWTGF3F32LHA5P6Q/
Pretendians' entitlement and living out their fantasy self publicly is narcissism. Becoming a SIW is next level of needing the world to see what a good person they are.
I'm working on a look at this phenomenon in history right now! There have been many moments when this impulse rises to prominence in societies, usually after the "old order" has been severely undermined (like during the Reformation or the dissolution of the Roman empire, or in Eastern Europe after the demise of the Austro-Hungarian empire) and people feel empowered to make other people live out their vision of the world.
The bad news is those moments tend to leave a trail of bodies in their wake.
I instantly thought about Hitler's regime. He was the social injustice warrior-turned psychopath of that time who wanted to create his ideal world order with him on top to override his deep self-loathing for being abandoned/rejected by his own father. If only he went to therapy - many of my relatives would have lived.
Fascinating! Thank you for the clear and concise explanations on a layman's level. It would seem to me that the behavior of a SJW satisfies many of the basic human needs of belonging & purpose. With the difference being that the behavior is neurotic & fanatical.
Janice Fiamengo, a college professor; described it well. As a college student, she got heavily involved in the women's rights movement on campus. She talked about the exhilarated feeling of belonging to a group. Of having a virtuous cause that made her feel powerful. Along with the comfort and simplicity of black/white thinking. It wasn't until she realized that this movement eliminated any empathy for the "oppressors", did she leave the movement. All humans are susceptible to some degree to indoctrination. However, young people are most at risk due to their lack of life experiences. Life experiences (wisdom) can give us a strong sense of who we are and where our boundaries lie. Those who would lead or manipulate others into their cause exploit these feelings by using indoctrination. It happens every day on college campuses and in the world around us.
Thank you for reading! Young people are indeed susceptible to acting out their idealism to belong and feel powerful, especially while feeling lost or uncertain about their futures beyond the routine life of a uni student. When I wrote this piece, I was reflecting on myself as a 30-something adult looking to fill a void in my life, as well as what I witnessed among 30-50 something professionals or failed entrepreneurs.
Hi Dr. Martinek, I find this substack hugely fascinating and it is deeply appreciated. I'd love your thoughts on the origins of gaslighting, breadcrumbing and ghosting in friendships, particularly those with a longevity. Is the solution then, only to walk away and find your own people? Are these mechamisms related to the onset of wokeism and technology use?
Thanks for this elaborate article! I’m a therapy student and have ideas around starting a non profit. This knowledge is very helpful for me; although I don’t consider myself a narcissist at all, narcissistic behavior is a tendency that’s part of being human. As you mention in the article, self reflection is extremely important to avoid any behavior even in the vicinity of this tendency. And material like this teaches me to be vigilant, especially when I’m ready to start my practice and non profit. Vigilant towards my own behavior but also behavior of the future non profit at large and possible players that were initially well intended partners.
This totally sums up Orwell's Animal Farm! ✨ And it all needs to be said. I appreciate your disclaimer. I think this could be published in book form. -Love Lizzie
Sounds like social justice activists are Karen’s and Stans. Have you noticed a correlating link to extreme group like radical feminism, narcissisism and social justice aftivists?
The Social Injustice Warrior breaks down how this is a mix of communal and collective narcissism by inflating the importance of a cause and one's own role in saving others involved in the movement.
You are brilliant and I just bought your assertiveness book. Thank you.
Wow thank you Lee! I really appreciate your support and enthusiasm for my work! I hope the book is useful and feel free to reach out with any questions about the content.