Thank you
, , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with !In this nearly 90-minute discussion
and I dive into covert narcissism, the interpersonal games people play, and the dynamics of power, gender, and myth. This conversation blends psychology, mythology, and lived experience to explore how narcissistic traits appear subtly across relationships, institutions, and even folklore. The conversation frequently returns to the metaphor of Cinderella, unpacking it as a model for healing from narcissistic abuse and as a path of individuation.Dr. Paul is a psychologist originally trained in Freudian psychoanalysis, though he’s since stepped back from that model while remaining deeply engaged with its core questions—especially around narcissism and the inner structures that shape our relational lives.
We hope you enjoy this conversation and have some follow up questions for us!
Key Themes & Timestamps
| 00:00–04:00 | Introduction: Narcissism’s rise as a cultural concern; classical vs. modern views
| 04:00–09:00 | Covert narcissism: Passive, emotionally manipulative, insidious in relationships
| 09:00–14:00 | Narcissism and sex/gender: Archetypes, instincts, and societal expectations
| 14:00–20:00 | Empaths, saviour complexes, and narcissistic dynamics in therapeutic/spiritual settings
| 20:00–24:00 | Hierarchy vs. equality: Gendered ways of constructing social power
| 24:00–28:00 | Games people play: Wittgenstein, hidden workplace dynamics, “the game of love”
| 28:00–34:00 | Is narcissism learned or inherited? Personality disorders vs. character maturity
| 34:00–38:00 | Narcissistic mother-daughter dynamics, envy, and internalized voices
| 38:00–44:00 | Cinderella as myth: Narcissistic abuse, fairy godmother as divine self or higher power
| 44:00–50:00 | Spiritual interpretation of fairy tales, individuation, and narcissistic extraction of others
| 50:00–54:30 | Extractive dynamics: Narcissistic entitlement, "you exist to serve me," and the illusion of relational reciprocity
| 54:30–58:30 | Shame and performance: Hiding the self to maintain image, fear of rejection, and adaptations rooted in early shame
| 58:30–64:00 | Male shame: Cultural suppression of vulnerability in boys, leading to control, performance, or avoidance in adulthood
| 64:00–68:00 | Gendered responses to shame: Men externalize through domination, women internalize through compliance or self-erasure
| 68:00–72:00 | Healing shame: Repairing through relational safety, mirroring, and nonjudgmental presence
| 72:00–end | Individuation and humility: Letting go of heroic or victim identity to embrace emotional maturity and integration
Thank you Dr. Paul for supporting my work and for this overdue conversation!
Hack narcissism and support my work
I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.
While activists focus on fighting macro issues, I believe that activism also needs to focus on the micro issues - the narcissistic traits that pollute relationships between you and I, and between each other, without contributing to existing injustice. It’s not as exciting as fighting the Big Baddies yet hacking, resisting and overriding our tendencies to control others that also manifest as our macro issues is my full-time job.
I’m dedicated to helping people understand all the ways narcissistic traits infiltrate and taint our interpersonal, professional, organisational and political relationships, and provide strategies for narcissism hackers to fight back and find peace.
Here’s how you can help.
Order my book: The Little Book of Assertiveness: Speak up with confidence
Support my work:
through a Substack subscription
by sharing my work with your loved ones and networks
by citing my work in your presentations and posts
by inviting me to speak, deliver training or consult for your organisation
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