The Hacking Narcissism Compilation
Almost everything in one place
Thank you to all my subscribers past and present for your support, feedback, testimonials and referrals. I’m also grateful to the
community for recommending my work and sharing resonant quotes.I have been told by numerous people on and off Substack that I should compile my work into a book because everyone needs to be informed about specific narcissistic behaviours and the narcissism spectrum in general. I’m less interested in writing a book unless I’m asked to do so by an agent or publisher (with in house PR) because of the effort involved in hustling for book sales in a very noisy and competitive industry. I am, however, putting together a DIY course that will launch in the first quarter of 2025.
As an educator, facilitator and coach, I enjoy the challenge of facilitating a-ha moments, spontaneous changes and changes in someone’s relationship practices that liberate them from hardship. Books can plant seeds and enable a-ha moments but can’t support people to make changes that they’ve never done before. Having said that, the content alongside a community of practice is a powerful combination that does enable impactful change. I offer these opportunities from time to time when people ask for them.
To date, I’ve attempted to publish work that is educational, original, facilitates new insights and guides readers in what to expect when they embark on the change work. I like to reduce the unknowns between the WHAT and the HOW by also describing the pitfalls of using certain logic and actions. While it’s important to educate, putting out provocative ideas comes with responsibility (at least to me) to do no harm. I interpret discomfort and hitting a nerve of truth that can trigger and shake people’s thinking up as desirable and positive effects of my work.
I endeavour to continue examining and challenging ideas about human behaviour and the human condition in all my posts.
Why am I writing all this? I’m celebrating MY BIRTHDAY on April 30 while reflecting on the various signs of societal collapse and rebirth. Birthdays are always a time of reflection and recommitment to do the things to improve people’s experiences of life without making things worse for anyone else, including myself. It can be difficult to stay connected to my own raison d’etre when there is so much drama and excitement swirling around me, especially online. I do occasionally slip and veer into realms that are not my main focus and I’m thankful for the rude awakenings and community support that pull my attention back to where it belongs.
I have interacted with so many wonderful humans since launching this Substack late 2021 and want to make it easier for newer readers to access posts and for me to engage with readers.
So I present to you a compilation of all things Hacking Narcissism that I will continue to update as I release new content. You will be able to search for any article under themes of interest to find what you’re looking for. At least that’s the plan.
I’m also offering a reduced yearly subscription for anyone who would like to access archived and paywalled posts. These posts are educational AND guides for creating change, including what to avoid doing to prevent derailing progress.
These are the themes:
The narcissism spectrum (ie. malignant, covert, communal, collective) and narcissistic behaviours - interpersonal and collective - and how to deal with others
Dealing with emotions ie. shame, anger, depression, empathy, doubt and more
Dealing with and escaping conflict
Dealing with triggers - yours and others
Dealing with bullying and bullies
Female aggression and bullying
Family issues
Friendship issues
Workplace issues
Community and social network issues
Ending toxic relationships
Accountability
Spirituality
What is Hacking Narcissism and its purpose
Here we go!!
The narcissism spectrum & narcissistic behaviour overview
Overt narcissism
Covert narcissism
Covert narcissism - Knowledge Vampires
Covert narcissism - Faux Beta man
Communal narcissism - The Social Injustice Warrior
Collective narcissism
Narcissism Playbook
Owning your narcissism
Hacking your own narcissism
Laughing at others’ narcissism
Reducing your narcissism burden
2. Dealing with emotions
Validation
Shame
Reframing Shame
Shame and the Inner Bully
Empathy & lack of empathy
Emotional boundaries
Anger
Doubt
Depression
Trust
Trust after loss
Toxic positivity
Antidote to toxic positivity
Victimhood
Self-restraint
Peace
3. Dealing with and escaping conflict
Viewing conflict through Karpman’s Drama Triangle
Self-assessment of narcissism in a conflict
Dealing with revenge and retaliation
Staying out of other people’s conflict
De-escalating interpersonal conflict
Listening skills to prevent conflict
Your nemesis as your muse
Distress isn’t narcissism but can look like it
Overcoming power struggles with others
4. Dealing with triggers - yours and others
Paraosocial relationships and triggered fans
Keeping your cool with fragile egos
Triggers fuel conflict
Interrupting reactivity and thought loops
Surrendering control
5. The Bullying Collection
6. Female aggression and bullying series
Envy and bullying
7. Marriage and Family issues
Dysfunctional family system
Your Relational Blueprint
Women ending marriages
Parenting and abuse
8. Friendship issues
When you’re the problem
When they’re the problem
You can’t save your friend from your foe
9. Workplace issues
Toxic workplaces and relationships
Early warning signs
Narcissistic bosses and leaders
Saviourism at work and its perils
How to avoid becoming a target in your workplace
Your workplace as a dysfunctional family
The cons of organisational socialisation
Industry-specific toxic workplaces
Woman on woman bullying in the workplace
Navigating toxic terrain
10. Community, society, and social network issues
Assimilation
Stopping Social Injustice Warriors from infiltrating and exploiting your social networks
Leaving a cult and how not to do it
Avoid being exploited
Narcissism and society
Toxic activism
Navigating Cluster B society with Kate Wand
11. Ending toxic relationships
Saying NO
Gradual Gray Rock
Ending a toxic relationship and what to expect
Leaving a moderate cult and how to do it
Closure
12. Accountability
Accountability aversion
Realistic expectations of others
Reconciliation and forgiveness
Institutional demise
13. Spirituality
It’s the end of the world as we know it
Selling the sacred: The rise of the Gurupreneur
Spiritual narcissism
14. What is Hacking Narcissism and its purpose
Why Hacking Narcissism matters
How Hacking Narcissism improves thinking and self-regulation
Mental models and narcissism
Freeing from the web of conditional & the Liberation Cycle
Liberation Cycle Part 1 - DISRUPT
Liberation Cycle Part 2 - EXTRACT
Liberation Cycle Part 3 - RELEASE
I hope you enjoy exploring this compilation and that you choose to take me up on my offer of a discounted year subscription - for a limited time. I’m open to suggestions on how to improve the order and on topics for me to cover this year.
THANK YOU!
Nathalie
Hack narcissism and support my work
I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.
While activists focus on fighting macro issues, I believe that activism also needs to focus on the micro issues - the narcissistic traits that pollute relationships between you and I, and between each other, without contributing to existing injustice. It’s not as exciting as fighting the Big Baddies yet hacking, resisting, overriding and deprogramming our tendencies to control others that also manifest as our macro issues is my full-time job.
I’m dedicated to helping people understand all the ways narcissistic traits infiltrate and taint our interpersonal, professional, organisational and political relationships, and provide strategies for narcissism hackers to fight back and find peace.
Here’s how you can help.
Order my book: The Little Book of Assertiveness: Speak up with confidence
Support my work:
through a Substack subscription
by sharing my work with your loved ones and networks
by citing my work in your presentations and posts
by inviting me to speak, deliver training or consult for your organisation
Since you called us “humans” and not “readers” I’m subscribing to your Stack.
It’s in politics too.
https://substack.com/@theladylayman/note/c-117771449?r=izcrd&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=notes-share-action