The Hacking Narcissism Compilation
Everything in one place
Thank you to all my subscribers past and present for your support, feedback, testimonials and referrals. I’m also grateful to the
community for recommending my work and sharing resonant quotes.Since launching Hacking Narcissism around this time in 2021, this publication has grown slowly and steadily. The writing here is meant to challenge assumptions, provoke reflection, and offer practical guidance for navigating power, relationships, and change.
The first half of 2025 has been marked by an unexpected shift in my own professional life. That change led to my book The Scapegoating Playbook at Work, the development of a Relational Intelligence framework, and now an upcoming series of workshops on building emotional mastery to navigate dysfunctional dynamics. This compilation sits alongside those projects as a resource for anyone wanting to find, revisit, or deepen their understanding of the behaviour patterns and the human condition quirks I write about.
I have organised the articles into themes so you can go straight to the issues that matter to you, from recognising narcissistic behaviours, to navigating emotions, protecting yourself in conflict, spotting dysfunctional patterns, and becoming immune to manipulation. I will continue to update it as new work is released.
To mark four years of Hacking Narcissism on Substack, I am offering 33% off annual subscriptions. Paid subscribers gain access to my full archive, including posts that go deeper into the how: detailed strategies, common pitfalls to avoid, and guidance for creating sustainable change and other perks. You keep me motivated to write and your financial support allows me to keep developing the helpful, practical, and actionable content that facilitates important changes in people’s lives.
Here are the themes and links to explore:
Understanding Narcissism
Articles on the narcissism spectrum, behaviours, and how to recognise them.Emotional Mastery
Shows how emotions can be used as signals for development, stronger boundaries, and better choices.Conflict
Provides strategies to recognise manipulation and protect yourself in high-stakes situations.Psychological Defence
Provides strategies to recognise manipulation and protect yourself in high-stakes situations.
Bullying and Covert Aggression
Examines both overt and subtle forms of aggression that erode trust and safety.Female Aggression and Narcissistic Feminism
Examines female aggression, maternal harm, and narcissistic uses of feminism.Family Dynamics
Analyses the recurring patterns that shape family relationships.Friendship and Betrayal
Explores how trust breaks down in friendships and what is required for repair or separation.Workplace Survival
Identifies toxic workplace dynamics and ways to maintain credibility and influence.Culture, Control, and Collective Influence
Analyses how groups, ideologies, and systems use control to direct thought and behaviour.Endings and Liberation
Outlines the process of ending destructive relationships and regaining agency.Spirituality and Meaning
Examines how narcissism distorts spiritual practices and the pursuit of meaning.About Hacking Narcissism
States the purpose and direction of this project and how the work can be applied.
Here we go!!
Understanding Narcissism
Overt Narcissism
Covert Narcissism
Covert Narcissism - Knowledge Vampires
Covert Narcissism - Faux Beta Man
Covert Narcissism
Communal Narcissism - The Social Injustice Warrior
Collective Narcissism
Narcissism Playbook
Owning Your Narcissism
Hacking Your Own Narcissism
Laughing at Others’ Narcissism
Reducing Your Narcissism Burden
2. Emotional Mastery
Validation
Shame
Reframing Shame
Shame and the Inner Bully
Envy: covert expressions of envy
Empathy & lack of empathy
Emotional boundaries
Anger
Discernment
Doubt
Depression
Forgiveness
Trust
Trust after loss
Toxic positivity
Antidote to toxic positivity
Victimhood
Self-restraint
Peace
3. Conflict
Karpman’s Drama Triangle
Self-assessment of Narcissism in a Conflict
Revenge and Retaliation
Triangulation
De-escalation
Listening Skills for Prevention
Difficult Conversations
Your Nemesis as your Muse
Distress as Narcissism
Realistic Expectations
Defeating Power Struggles
4. Psychological Self-Defence
Paraosocial Relationships
Ego Management
Gray Rock
Relational Intelligence and Manipulation Immunity
Cluster B Online Management
Triggers and Conflict
Interrupting Reactivity and Thought Loops
Mental Mastery
Surrendering Control
5. Bullying, Covert Aggression, and Scapegoating
The Bullying Collection
Covert Aggression
Scapegoating Playbook
Scapegoating Management
6. Female Aggression and Narcissistic Feminism
Toxic Matriarchy
Toxic Feminism
Women Bullying Women
Soft Control and Covert Aggression
Passive Aggression
Denial of Intrasexual Aggression
Toxic Collaboration
Covert Envy
7. Family Dynamics
Dysfunctional Family System
The Invisible Child
Your Relational Blueprint
Women Ending Marriages
Parental Narcissism
Parenting and Abuse
8. Friendship and Betrayal
When You’re the Problem
When They’re the Problem
Saving Your Friend from a Foe
9. Workplace Survival
Toxic Workplaces and Relationships
Early Warning Signs
Narcissistic Leaders
Saviourism and its Perils
Workplace Immune System
Scapegoating Playbook
Scapegoating Management
Scapegoating Risk Management
Strategic Authenticity
Feedback Faux Pas
Work as a Dysfunctional Family
The Cons of Organisational Socialisation
Industry-Specific Toxic Workplaces
Woman on Woman Bullying in the Workplace
Navigating Toxic Terrain
Institutional Demise
10. Culture, Control and Collective Influence
Assimilation
Activist Infiltration
Cults Everywhere
Cult Thinking and Leaders
Cultural Illness
Exploitation Risks
Narcissism and Society
Toxic Activism
Activism in Therapy
Dark Neurodivergence
Hierarchy and Covert Behaviour
Navigating Cluster B society with Kate Wand
11. Ending Relationships and Liberation
Saying NO
Gradual Gray Rock
Toxic Relationship Ending
How to Leave a Moderate Cult
Closure
12. Spirituality and Meaning
Apocalypse
Gurupreneurs
Spiritual Narcissism
Spiritual Illness
Spiritual Hunger
13. What is Hacking Narcissism and its purpose
Why Hacking Narcissism Matters
How to Improve Thinking and Self-Regulation
Mental Models and Narcissism
Freeing from Conditioning
Liberation Cycle Part 1 - DISRUPT
Liberation Cycle Part 2 - EXTRACT
Liberation Cycle Part 3 - RELEASE
I hope you enjoy exploring this compilation and that you choose to take me up on my offer of a discounted year subscription - for a limited time. I’m open to suggestions on how to improve the order and on topics for me to cover this year.
THANK YOU!
Nathalie
Hack narcissism and support my work
I believe that a common threat to our individual and collective thriving is an addiction to power and control. This addiction fuels and is fuelled by greed - the desire to accumulate and control resources in social, information (and attention), economic, ecological, geographical and political systems.
While activists focus on fighting macro issues, I believe that activism also needs to focus on the micro issues - the narcissistic traits that pollute relationships between you and I, and between each other, without contributing to existing injustice. It’s not as exciting as fighting the Big Baddies yet hacking, resisting, overriding and deprogramming our tendencies to control others that also manifest as our macro issues is my full-time job.
I’m dedicated to helping people understand all the ways narcissistic traits infiltrate and taint our interpersonal, professional, organisational and political relationships, and provide strategies for narcissism hackers to fight back and find peace.
Here’s how you can help.
Order my books: The Little Book of Assertiveness: Speak up with confidence and The Scapegoating Playbook at Work
Support my work:
through a Substack subscription
by sharing my work with your loved ones and networks
by citing my work in your presentations and posts
by inviting me to speak, deliver training or consult for your organisation
Since you called us “humans” and not “readers” I’m subscribing to your Stack.
I would encourage you to be more open minded about books. Of course, gobs of people have made great changes in their lives from just reading a well written book. You as the facilitator are facilitating their growth through the organization of your material within the book or series of books. A good book does not spew EMF or need a battery recharge and can be more affordable for many people who can't hire a coach. But it can also be set up to lead new readers straight to your website and coaching services. The book can be a lead magnet to show people they are being helped by you and they would like more help.
Books are nice because the info is in one spot and you don't have to scroll a mile to find stuff. A Table of Contents and page number has value over a lengthy list of links to browse and forget which you read already.
Stepping off soapbox, namaste, I love books.